Obedience

So, this week I picked up an old devotional I got a couple years ago. I had started it and gotten through the first couple chapters and then for whatever reason, quit. I have about 10 studies on my book shelf, much like this one. Some I've bought, some were gifts, ALL are unfinished. I'm not sure when starting something and NOT finishing it came to be such a regular part of my life. Regular and even, dare I say, acceptable? I used to be a much more disciplined and organized self.

The particular study I picked up was "Becoming a Woman of Excellence" by Cynthia Heald. A few years back it had been a Mother's Day gift from our church. I'm sure I took it home that day, popped it open and eagerly started it, just knowing I would do this study and be much more the wiser and obviously, by the title, i'd have become an EXCELLENT woman. Yes, I'm easily excited and just thumbing through the book made me smile. But, I digress.

It's obvious I didn't get far ... as i had picked it up and was in the middle of an unfinished chapter. And yet, I had to smile... because the verses and the thoughts posed to me were applicable to ME, at that VERY moment :) Love that God. (And to you satan, i refuse the guilt trip for not finishing. God was just holding that page for me til I was ready to read it and needing to hear it! so there!)

Chapter 5 is called "Exemplified by Obedience".
Key Verse:
Philippians 2:13 "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

Hmm... here's what Cynthia wrote:
"Obedience is submission, habitually yielding to authority. If we have surrendered our lives to God, then it will be natural to want to yield to His authority, to obey His commands and to please Him by living His way. But obedience is not forced; it is motivated by a heart of love."

WOAH! Maybe read that again. Or again? Especially the last line hit me up side the head. "Obedience is not forced; it is motivated by a heart of love."

As a mom to 4 young children, the word obedience immediately makes me think of parenting and getting my kids to do what i say, when i say it, the way i want it done, in the timely fashion I'd like it done, and definately with the attitude that shows respect, love, thoughtfulness, kindness, yadda yadda yadda....

And then I hear that "And what about you, daughter?............... Have you followed through on calling that friend I prompted you to call? ..............What about actively blessing your family with a servant heart? ..................Or what about handing over the control on that area of your life you're still desperately holding on to?.............. I'm waiting........still here..........."

Has it ever occurred to you that the Lord doesn't yell at you? Never do you get belittling tones, sarcastic inferrences, the disapproving eyebrow, or the slow sad nod of the head from side to side.

How often do I send messages to my kids that imply nothing but disappointment? Trust me, an area I'm WORKING on!

So, back to the idea of obedience being motivated out of love. Brainstorm with me, will you? How can we model this for our kids. We all know they WATCH us and DO what we do far more often than doing what we "SAY" they should be doing. Why do you think we get so horrified when they do something embarassing?! Because we KNOW where they learned it! (Maybe I'll tell the story about my whisk and chipped paint on the wall another day!)

So, while we can talk to them about wanting to obey as a way to show our love to the Lord... how can we SHOW them obedience with the right motivation? Don't get me wrong.. dialogue is important! Huge, infact. BUT..... actions speak louder than words, yes? So often their motivation is simply to avoid discipline... but we never get to their hearts when simply dealing with the surface actions/choices they make.

SO.. hit me with some ideas.. lets talk about it! I have some of my own ideas but i do all the talking here.... surely my readers have something to say. Here's your chance!!!!

deceived with our eyes open

I don't even know how to put to "screen" (paper sounds better, but who am i kidding? i can type WAY faster than i can pen my thoughts...) my thoughts tonight. Organizing would require lists, and topics and brainstorming... when really my mind is just sort of full of things to say.  

How many times have we walked into a room full of people and felt alone.  I have.

How often do we feel like other mom's have it together?  I do... frequently.

How regularly do we "diss" ourselves, put ourselves down, reject the beauty in us, and only see the flaws that stare at us blatantly in the face?  Daily.

How often do we put on our smile of disguise, to hide the pain? Too often.

And how often do we busy ourselves so that we can find importance in "doing" so that we don't have to be vulnerable in being SERVED? More often that you probably think.

It's easy to buy into the lie that we are infact the only one NOT normal. The ONLY one not measuring up, the ONLY one that isn't meeting her potential in EVERY aspect of her life.   

Picture this with me...The master of lies, satan, seems to lurk in the shadows of my mind.  When my mind is focused and my heart is in line with Christ, my mind and heart are full of HIS light. I'm walking in the SONLIGHT, so to speak :)  Then, something will happen, a fight with your husband, a hard day with the kids, an emabarassing moment infront of other people, a failure at work, or a hiccup in a friendship... and like a lion prowling, satan springs into action... throwing personal insults at you, filling your mind with negativity about others, filling your heart with self doubt, pecking away at your self esteem, whittling away at your faith.. urging you to turn from truth and seek after self fulfillment.  "Who needs them anyway," he whispers.... "you'll never fit in there anyway...." he snears..... 

And you believe it.  We all have.  How do you think anger happens?  Isn't it so often a result of hurt, feelings of inadequacy, over compensating for a feeling of loss?  

Scripture tells us to think on that which is pure, holy, upright, good, and eternal. That above we guard our hearts from all evil.   We must cling to what we know to be TRUTH... to the words that God speaks to us in His word... to the fact that we are his chosen beloved.  His rare, priceless beauty, His shining gem, his FOREVER love...

We're human. Our focus will slip to self, when we KNOW it should be on HIM.  What's important is that we shift quickly back to HIS face.  Practice, practice, practice and prepare prepare prepare.  It doesn't feel natural to rebuke evil or sin.  We are BY nature, sinful. We come by it as naturally as we breathe.  What God calls us to do though is to shed the darkness and to walk in HIS Light.  We have to walk daily with him to start to reflect His light.   His power lives in us.  We have the power to rebuke the lies of satan. We have the power to open our eyes where we are so easily deceived and to reject the lies we so easily believe.  In the power of Christ, we cast light on the shadows where he lurks. There can be no room for him, where there is light. 

Our job is to inwardly be shining our light around the corners of our heart and minds. De-cobweb those corners, sweep out your heart, dust off  your mind.... Invite the presence of God into every nook and cranny of your being.   Are you surrendering EVERY aspect?  

And after we've done that, be an open book. Don't put up those facades that show the world you're "good" and "put together" and "fulfilling all worldly expectations".  Be real. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Let other see you, your cobwebbed corners and all.  We've all got issues.  Don't buy into the lie that you're alone in your problems. WE all have problems. None too great for God, and none too secret or "bad" to be untold to a friend. Trust. TRUST... TRUST... 

Isolation is where satan wants us; don't be paralyzed by it. Instead, reach out for the closest hand, grab it, and ask them to hold on with you.  You can do it.  WE can do it. Lets go.

(okay, maybe i should have made the lists and brainstorming webs and outlines... this feels random and sketchy... but it's what was on my heart and it's what my fingers went with, so it's what you get! HA!) 

abundantly blessed

This season I am feeling extremely blessed.  While I have moments of near insanity, they are nearly almost always followed by intense emotions of gratitude and thankfulness.  I've been praying that God would open my eyes to the hurting and I've been praying that He would break my heart and show me ways that I could love others and show others His love.  

As I wrote a while back, this Christmas season, for me, has been one where I've been working to keep my heart focused on the gift of Jesus and in teaching my kids about the beauty of giving and not being self focused.    And it's also been about seeing the beauty of the season through their young enchanted eyes.  The way the little things like twinkle lights bring such smiles and "oohhhs and ahhhs" to their lips.  It's such a good reminder to me... find joy in the little things!!!

This week we've had an incredible cold snap. Temperatures have been SO cold. It had seemed that winter was eluding us for a while.  I can't say that anymore! With single digit degrees at night and the ice and frozen inch of snow on the ground have really gotten my heart moving.  Saturday night we were on the way home from a Christmas party where we'd had the joy of being with friends.  We ate incredible food and fellowshipped and chased our kids around.  Good times, right?  

It was SO cold and I was snug in our car as my husband was driving us home.  I felt my hands... they were warm... my feet snug in my sturdy shoes.  My children, with full tummies and cozy jammies on... talking about how they can't wait for Christmas.  Theire coats weren't even on when we got in the car becuase we'd warmed it up before we got in it. Their winter coats lay at their feet.  Wow.  What a picture of "enough" .  What a picture of "wealth" and "abundance".

The wind was really blowing too and my thoughts instantly went to the homeless people in our town.  We have a larg population of homeless people and I immediately envisioned mothers and children huddling together; doing their best to be warm. And here we sat, in a warm car, coats not even ON ... completely oblivious to the the affects of the winter night on so many unknown faces on the street.

We got home and I walked into our warm and cozy home.  After the kids were in bed, I started loading up a bag of groceries to take to the food drive at church.  My husband asked what I was doing; I told him and he watched me another minute.

Then he asked me, "Are you okay?"

"No."

"What's wrong?"

I hesitated and then went on, "I just feel so overwhelmed with what we have. I feel lucky, blessed, guilty, thankful, and helpless all at the same time.  I mean, I'm thankful for our home and what God has blessed us with... but at the same time, I feel so guilty for having a nice home, when so many our there are suffering on nights like tonight."

"What would you do different or what are you going to do about it?" he asked me.

I let that sort of sit on my mind overnight. I woke up thinking about it and knew I needed to be obedient. God is still sort of showing me what the picture is that HE has in mind.  But I am excited to do what He's asking.  To be Servant Hands to those that He loves.

Over the course of the last 2 days I've had some dialogue with my children about those less fortunate than us.  I want them to not only just "know" it to be true.. I want them to SEE it to be true.  At their young ages, I am not sure how that is to look exactly... but I'm confident that God will show me. 

As I am obedient, would you please be praying that God would be directing my mind and my choices.  That He would lead me to the right people at the right time.

Thanks.. and i WILL keep you posted as to what HIS grand plan is... :)

from grouchy to glorifying

Isn't there a saying (or is it fact?) out there about the brain being the most powerful muscle in the body? I was thinking about this when I was in my state of grouchiness this morning. I was irritated about being tired (hello, who chose to go to bed late?!), and frustrated that the kids weren't moving faster with the morning routine (not that *I* was!). This morning, my husband was watching me, in one of my lil mood and he was just trying to hold back the smile. I'm sure i looked much like one of my kids. You know, when we see them making an idiot out of themselves and we're trying to hold back the laughter at theire ridiculous antics. And if they'd just STOP, take a deep breath, and start over; it's surely be more effective. He was good to not point out obviously what a complete fool I was making of myself. As he left for work, I was still pouting inwardly and he looked at me and said, "no pity parties today!".... Hmph.

While even THAT phrase, at first got to me, I realized he was right. Why not just choose to start over!? Let all the little stupid annoyances go. It wasn't like they were affecting anyone else. It wasn't as if anyone else was bothered. And life would keep going. :)

I needed to run some errands this morning and they went well; well, as well as they CAN with the hoodlums in tow. I think some dialogue about shopping with children with you will have to wait for another post. I'm not sure my brain has the stamina to relive it as I recount various store stories with my children. Exhausting. Who needs a gym membership? Just take preschoolers to Fred Meyer or Costco. By the end of the trip, you are certain you'll never step foot back into those sliding doors w/o a warning automatically going off and an announcement coming over the loud speaker that says, "Warning, warning... wild, uncontrolled children that like to touch, run, and tackle each other are entering the store. Continue browsing at your own risk."

Anyway.. another day :)

Back to my point... As I was driving home.... I started to think of my blessings and my heart really started to feel a sense of extreme gratitude for God's gifts. The grouchies from this morning a complete thing of the past. When I chose to put my mind on the things of Christ, the things of the world had to take a step back. Praise God for that.

I want to live in a season of gratitude. Where i'm continually reminded by his goodness. Not because he gives me things.... but simply revel in HIS greatness. Gratitude for the cross and His blood. Gratitude for the communion that I get to have with the Father - gratitude for the promise of life eternal and gratitude for his faithfulness to my sinful self. Undeserved mercy and grace. Amazing.

I'm gonna work on the lettin' the little stuff go.... and concentrate on the moments that DO.... to simply Pour my energy into glorifying not grouchifying! :)

Just another tidbit

Okay, so I wrote last night... and then headed to bed shortly after. I always end up still mulling my thoughts, even after I've written... and often more things come to mind... (remember how I had to come back and visit seasons again? and i'm still not promising you won't see THAT word again! ha!).

So, I continued to think about expectations vs. anticipation. And here's another thought to chew on.

How often do our expectations come with hidden agenda's? Mine do. When I build up a person or situation with (especially UNSPOKEN) expectations it's often about "how the situation is going to benefit me" or "what" that person is going to do for/with me. Often it's me expecting or wanting someone to say or do something that gives me a boost... something that gives me a sense of pride. It's the same way with my relationship with God... don't we often come to the Lord in a panic or in frustration because we've done "what he asked" and now our expectations aren't being met. Isn't He slacking on his end of the bargain? This surely wasn't what WE thought we were in for! Isn't it like our flesh to think of ME ME ME ME...

So.. here's again, where in MY mind... eagerly anticipating is different. Here's my simple definition. Eagerly anticipating is waiting for the unexpected and trusting that the end result is God's perfect plan. Not to say every situation smells like roses! We know better than to think that - but to know that through every valley, God can take us to the mountain top on the other side. There's no hidden agenda. It's simply flying by the seat of our pants, every day, waiting to see what will happen. Again... it points back to surrendering .... maybe that will be a topic for another post.... For now.. motherhood calls..I just had to get this down this morning so my mind could move on (wink!).

EAgerly Anticipating!!!!!

Here's a thought

Let's talk about expectations. Oohhh... did any of you feel tempted to quit reading?? Maybe you cringed inwardly or allowed yourself to groan outloud. Yes, my friends... expectations. If we were honest with ourselves, how many of us would say we set HIGH, UNttainable expectations for, NOT only ourselves, but for EVERYONE else around us? How often do we set ourselves up for disappointment and failure...not to mention how damaging this can be to relationships in our lives. SO often, it's those unspoken expectations too are never met; which leave us feeling empty, unloved, unpersued, and unimportant to a loved one. Or how about that sense of personal failure, never measuring up, constantly striving for something we'll never be.

Is this ringing true for anyone?

So, here's a concept I heard not long ago. It was this. Instead of having expectations set in place...... it called us to "eagerly anticipate". Hmmm..doesn't that sound better, even? :) I think it's a process of re-framing our thoughts... refocusing our attention and settling in for what could be a wait, but with a heart of anticipation as we know God always answers. I know they seem so close in wording... and i do think it's a fine line b/w the "expectantcy" and the "anticipating"... even when i looked them up in the dictionary their definitions even used the other word in it's definition. Language wise, they are practically the same in meaning and in the way you would use them.. nearly interchangable in nature.

However, it could just be me.... BUT... i hear a different connotation in them. Because of failed expectations, I think that very word; "expectation"... can have a negative connotation to it. With it comes a sense of "uncertainty" of what's to come... a realization that your wants/desires/ and hopes may never come to fruition. Disappointment seems to lurk behind expectant hopes.

As a people, though; I think we are by nature hopeful. We, by nature, long to see the best, hope for the best, and plan and dream for what seems out of reach. God gave in us, the unique ability to dream and to have visions of what could be... Perhaps that's why the phrase "Eagerly anticipate" rings so sweetly to my ears. It sounds as if I am in a state of being hopeful in a manner that is excited... in a way that shows childlike awe as I wait to see what it is that God wants to show me, unfold to me, surprise me with. It somehow holds less promise of disappointment. And it holds on to the promise that in TIME God's dream that HE placed in me, WILL come to fruition.

In my mind the timeline for eagerly anticipating seems imminent and yet long lasting... no time barriers...just waiting and wondering and accepting... It surely requires a better trained set of ears for listening and sitting with the Lord. I envision whispers of reassurance and encouragement from the Holy Spirit... "hold on daughter... great things are in store... the Father can't wait to see your face... His plan is good and it is eternal... it is beyond your dreams... just hang in there.. you're doing fine... ". It seems personal and intimate....just what i'm longing to share with my Savior.

Will you eagerly anticipate with me? Lets wake hopeful of what God can and will do in our hearts, in our marriages, in our children's lives, in our friendships, in our finances, in our quiet times, in our ministries, in our churches, in our thought lives, in our motives, in our words, in our actions, and in every area of our life that we have yet to surrender to Him...

Eagerly anticipating together... what could be better?

Determined

Wow, what a week it has been! It's been a week of challenge but also a week where I really feel that I've done some growing. You'll be happy to know that i tweaked the "i'm good" response at church today, to the friends that asked how I was doing. Some got more information than others; but I THINK I only said, "i'm good" to about 3 people instead of 10!! :) I'm good generally came out - and then I quickly followed it with some tidbit. Obviously, depending on how well I knew the person depended on the kind of info i blurted out... BUT... it felt good to not feel that I was hiding or putting on a face for the crowd. So, should you ask me how i am.. and i reply with a "i'm good", make eye contact with me and ask, "how good?" (wink!) don't let me get off with that kind of answer!

Today was the kids program at church - 3 of my 4 got to sing in our 3 services. What a kick! They did great and were completely enamoured with the idea of being on "mommy's stage". they are used to seeing me singing on stage Sunday mornings when they get to church with daddy. Carissa talked about getting to sing on "mommy's stage" for weeks! She was adorable today up there... "C'mon ring those bells... light the Christmas tree...." Sweet sweet sweet.

Micah proceeded to be all that a boy COULD be... yawned, turned around, tried to sit down, pointed at himself on the projector screen, and even picked his nose and ate it... yes, what a proud moment that was. I even got a picture on a girlfriends camera of the finger in the mouth. Hey, if it keeps the girls away when he's 16 years old... it'll be well worth it! HAHA!

After we got home we sat down to eat lunch. From time to time, instead of praying for the meal, we'll say "Lets be thankful!". This means we go around the table and say what we're thankful for and then we start eating. Carissa wanted to go first; "I'm thankful for the beautiful day we have today (mind you she says this EVERY time but i never tire of it!), and for getting to sing songs to Jesus on stage today." Awww..... :)

I'm determined to make the little moments count this holiday season. Holidays are often a mixed bag for me. Internally I create a grand set of moments... and then it often feels anti-climactic.... I get these ideas and never follow through, etc. I'm determined to start traditions with OUR family. Before we had kids - and even when we first started having kids, it felt like we were still trying to fit in to everyone else's idea of what Christmas should be. This year, it's about our family and our plans.

I'm determined to keep my focus on the birth of Jesus. While it's beautiful to give and receive at Christmas; I want to be ever vigilent to keep my children thinking of WHY we celebrate. It's so easy for them to see Christmas as a time to GET GET GET and WANT WANT WANT.

In light of that, we've scaled the buying back. Not that we were EVER extravagant; but mentally I think always felt like what i had to give my kids wasn't "enuf"... this year, my attitude is different and it is such a peaceful feeling.

In honor of Christmas here are a few questions for ya. PLEASE leave an answer in the comments! I'd love to hear your answers!

What is your.....
-favorite Christmas Carol
-favorite Christmas food
-favorite Christmas tradition
-most special memory from childhood

and HOW do you keep Christ the center of Christmas.. for you or/and your children!?