Monday, November 29, 2010

Grace Spots

The past 3 weeks at church our pastor has talked about GRATITUDE. This last week was about spotting God's grace - even when your world is falling apart. It's harder to see the little things where God thinks especially of us and throws a little "here ya go, I know you'll like THIS!" at us. I know my eyes (heart) can see and linger on the areas where I feel lost, alone, failed, or like I'm drowning. I can fixate on my fears, insecurities, worries all too easy and stop relying on His goodness to get me through the minute, hour and day.

Sometimes we hit a season in life where we wonder where God's goodness has gone. At that point it's time to rely on what we know and not how we feel. We know of God's goodness - and we've seen it documented in the Bible .. and in lives around us. It isn't just for them. It's for us a well. It's for ME. Perhaps it looks different in my life. I'm convinced it does. It's what makes God's love personal for ME and individualized for MY heart.

It's time for me to list a few things I'm grateful for.

~ I love the way the snow and ice is frozen on the branches outside. I'm itching to get out there with my camera!
~The lights and ornaments on my Christmas tree.
~The new tires on my Expedition that got us safely UP and DOWN from the mts where we got our tree.
~How paint keeps my 3 year old happy and contented.
~How my said 3 year old is enamored with J's. His identity is wrapped up in his name (nickname, JJ).
~Coffee and white chocolate pwd to make my own marble mocha.
~warm fuzzy mittens
~my best friend, Jani

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Forehead, I'd like you to meet Mr. 2x4

I can't even decide what to title this entry. (I did title it at the END of writing the entry! ha ha)

It has been months since I have sat down and put fingers to the keys to share where my heart is. Honestly, since we're all friends here, I'll just share that it was easier NOT to write for a while. Sure, I still wrote - I just kept it to pen and paper and left it between God and I.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a place in life where at the end of the day "HE and I" are all there is that matters. If we were honest with each other, TRULY honest, we'd recognize that should be a daily occurrence don't you think? It's just so often we find ourselves allowing others to meet our needs and fill our spaces that really should be met and overflowed with from God.

God's faithfulness continues to be such a place of grace in my life. The more I find beauty in his faithfulness the more I recognize the harsh blatancy of my sin and failings. I see it most lived out in my mothering and my marriage. I suppose because these are the people I'm most honest with in my actions and words. Not because I'm such an honest person - but because my true nature shines brighter than I'd like sometimes. And sometimes I don't see what I am, until I see it in my children.

Just yesterday - my oldest son was angry with his younger brother. I watched him walk rather forcefully up to his younger brother - his hands were clenched and his jaw tight. His eyes were narrow and his tone was .... well, it was me. " I am VERY angry with you right now," he says. I don't remember the other words that followed out of his mouth. My eyes started to well up with tears b/c in that instant I saw and heard ME coming out of the mouth of my 8 year old.

Hello 2x4. Nice to meet you. UGH.

I called my oldest to me. And then I did something I don't do enough. I told him that I first needed to apologize. I told him that I recognized something in him as he talked to his brother. It was just how I had talked to him before. I was able to share with him how sorry I was that I had modeled how to talk to others in a bad way and we were able to have a good conversation from then on.

His words/actions shined a light on an area in my life that needs God's healing touch. How thankful I am, that He is a God that knows my flaws and yet finds me beautiful. He's a God that delights in my voice and yearns to pursue me and refine me.

Thanks for being patient with me this year as I was on hiatus for the most part. Sometimes there's a time for silence... but I'm happy to say that I think that season is past!!! YEAH!

Talk to ya soon!!!