Sunday, April 5, 2009

tired mama

What a week it's been. If I ever thought I was a sympathetic mommy, this week definitely proves me wrong. So, my hubby and I got a way for a weekend not long ago. We were eager to get home to our kids as we really missed them; though we relished the moments we had alone as well!

Upon returning home, I started to come down with a nasty cold going around. Previously to going on our trip I had been sick and then dealt with 5th's disease's ugly rash and joint pain. No fun, let me tell you! Since coming home, my cold has gotten worse, my 22 month old little guy has run fever, leaked snot all over me, and has as of today started rashing out (5th's). My oldest spiked a fever this morning of 103. His temperature waxed and waned throughout the day and sent him to bed at 7 pm (due to his own request) with 103.5. Thankfully, just 30 minutes ago he came out, drenched in sweat and in need of a drink. Thank you Jesus! Hopefully in the morning he'll still be fever free.

With 2 other kiddo's here at home... I'm just waiting for them to turn up sick here in the next few days. It WAS going to a be a pretty busy week - but God may be clearing my schedule! Sometimes plan B is better than plan A!

While dealing with sick kids and being sick myself, I have found myself speaking to my kids in such an ugly manner. Sarcasm has returned and the tone of disappointment, frustration, and irritation has reared their ugly heads too. I hate it when I allow myself to stoop so low as to speak that way to my children. It's like I can hear what I'm saying and almost "watch" myself in 3rd person when a tirade comes on... and yet the words continue to spew. Where's that duct tape when it's needed?! I sure needed it today. :(

Inspite of the ugly in me, my kids seek me out, knowing the good that's in my heart... they still want me to play with them, hold them, meet their needs. They still long for my touch and my encouragement and they are eager to please and seek my approval. What a humbling thing. To know you've just been nothing but awful - and to have your child's small arms come up, wrap around your waist and say "I love you, mommy." OIY!

"Thank you Father for the way you shape a child's heart. Let me NOT take their unconditional love for granted. GUARD my mouth and my actions tomorrow, Father. I want to only use my words for building up and for loving my family. And thank you too, Lord.. for loving me inspite of my "ugly". For seeing the good in me when sometimes all I project is impure. I am so undeserving of your grace... and yet you extend it... so undeserving of your presense...and yet you come... so undeserving of the sacrifice of your son...and yet to sent him anyway... i am thankful. so desperately thankful ..."

Not to suddenly switch gears but i do want you to know i'm excited to do some book reviewing this week! SO... stay tuned.... for my thoughts on "FLICKERING PIXELS" by Shane Hipps.


Katy said...

Ohhh - this sounds miserable! Hope all are on the mend. Prayers for each of you!!!