My fingers have been silent...

I haven't written for a few days. Maybe more, I guess, since Christmas was in there a few days, huh? It hasn't been for lack of thoughts. All kinds of things have been floating around in there.. bumping, colliding, smashing, interrupting, confusing, frustrating, surprising, and unexpected.... I suppose all our minds are like that... always working, always running ahead of us... i rather hate it, as I feel I can't keep up most days. And it isn't that my mind or heart is fickle. it's just plain busy and preoccupied and then occupied, and then off track, just as easily as it was "getting on" track. It seems it is the curse of the woman, i suppose.

But, in all seriousness, friends... there is a word that has been rather haunting me lately. i say haunting (and no i don't mean there's a white friendly ghost hovering!)... and in that i mean it just rather lingers in the back of my mind. it nudges me, pokes, nags, inspires, reminds, tortures (ha!), and doesn't leave me be. it's this word "surrender". i haven't really wanted to talk about this word. if 9 letter words were curse words, i'm sure this might qualify. don't get me wrong, surrendering to the Lord is a good thing. some areas in life, are easy to surrender. others, not so much.

i know the Lord has me on a journey of surrendering. while i want to - whole heartedly, with my whole being, my flesh fights and is weak. my mind reasons and rationalizes and tells me what i want to hear. sometimes it is so hard to "hear" through the noise and the clamor.

along with surrender i think of the word trust. trust is vital to the surrender process. it fails w/o it. and then when i realize i'm not surrendering an area over to the Lord, I want to ask myself "WHY am i not trusting that God will handle this?" it makes sense right? perhaps it'll put into perspective for me?

obedience (that word i talked about before) ties into surrender in such an intimate way too. it's all so mingled and meshed and intertwined.

perhaps it all comes down to simply loving Him. loving Him with all that I am. out of that loves come a heart bent towards obedience, a heart bent toward trust as God proves himself faithful.. TIME and TIME again... and a heart bent toward surrendering.... ALL areas of my mind, my heart, my spirit, my flesh, my intentions, my actions, my words, my thoughts... in sweet surrender God fills in the gaps of my soul. Filling me with abundant joy...

Jesus, you know my heart...i want to love you with a passionate and holy love... i want to be "mad" about you... to have you consume me, be the fool for you.... set aside the thoughts that get in the way. set aside the pride and the insecurities. set aside fears and inadequacies. fill me with your love... to the brim... to overflowing.. that your joy can't be contained in me...

I love the song "Pure and Holy Passion". Give it a listen and let me know how it encourages you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I17edLkBDCo