aged and worn
What a week it's been. If I ever thought I was a sympathetic mommy, this week definitely proves me wrong. So, my hubby and I got a way for a weekend not long ago. We were eager to get home to our kids as we really missed them; though we relished the moments we had alone as well!
Upon returning home, I started to come down with a nasty cold going around. Previously to going on our trip I had been sick and then dealt with 5th's disease's ugly rash and joint pain. No fun, let me tell you! Since coming home, my cold has gotten worse, my 22 month old little guy has run fever, leaked snot all over me, and has as of today started rashing out (5th's). My oldest spiked a fever this morning of 103. His temperature waxed and waned throughout the day and sent him to bed at 7 pm (due to his own request) with 103.5. Thankfully, just 30 minutes ago he came out, drenched in sweat and in need of a drink. Thank you Jesus! Hopefully in the morning he'll still be fever free.
With 2 other kiddo's here at home... I'm just waiting for them to turn up sick here in the next few days. It WAS going to a be a pretty busy week - but God may be clearing my schedule! Sometimes plan B is better than plan A!
While dealing with sick kids and being sick myself, I have found myself speaking to my kids in such an ugly manner. Sarcasm has returned and the tone of disappointment, frustration, and irritation has reared their ugly heads too. I hate it when I allow myself to stoop so low as to speak that way to my children. It's like I can hear what I'm saying and almost "watch" myself in 3rd person when a tirade comes on... and yet the words continue to spew. Where's that duct tape when it's needed?! I sure needed it today. :(
Inspite of the ugly in me, my kids seek me out, knowing the good that's in my heart... they still want me to play with them, hold them, meet their needs. They still long for my touch and my encouragement and they are eager to please and seek my approval. What a humbling thing. To know you've just been nothing but awful - and to have your child's small arms come up, wrap around your waist and say "I love you, mommy." OIY!
"Thank you Father for the way you shape a child's heart. Let me NOT take their unconditional love for granted. GUARD my mouth and my actions tomorrow, Father. I want to only use my words for building up and for loving my family. And thank you too, Lord.. for loving me inspite of my "ugly". For seeing the good in me when sometimes all I project is impure. I am so undeserving of your grace... and yet you extend it... so undeserving of your presense...and yet you come... so undeserving of the sacrifice of your son...and yet to sent him anyway... i am thankful. so desperately thankful ..."
Not to suddenly switch gears but i do want you to know i'm excited to do some book reviewing this week! SO... stay tuned.... for my thoughts on "FLICKERING PIXELS" by Shane Hipps.
Be sure to continue to check MckMama's blog and continue to fall at our Father's feet and ask for His kind mercy!! MckMama states in her latest blog entry that she's in "survival mode"... and you can hear how incredibly tired she is. I don't pretend to REALLY understand what's up with lil Stellan's heart - but you can HEAR MckMama's heartbeat through her words and I know you won't be able to read her posts and not feel connected to her and wanna just grab her cute face through the screen and love on her! So go check it out.
Also, I'm reading a new book to do a review and participate in another blog tour. I'm excited to really dive into this book! I've tip toed along through the first few chapters and I am eager to really get into it. Between a sick hubby and now feeling cruddy myself, reading usually sends me off to lala land! But... I really hope to gain something out of this book - :) It's called "Flickering Pixels" and I guarantee MORE is to come! By the way, should you want to participate in a "blog tour" it consists of signing up, having a book be sent to you (FREE!), READ the book, write up your thoughts and share them on your blog, share and talk about the book everywhere you can (twitter, facebook, blog, email, bulletin board communities, IN REAL LIFE.. that's always an option! HA!), write up reviews on Amazon or the like. It's fun! :) You get to read new stuff and feel like a part of the process in promoting GOOD stuff! So, if you're interested leave a comment and I can direct you to a blog tour coordinator.
Spring Break. Ok, I know this post is crazy spacy all over the place. It's just I feel the need to catch up on a few things and so it's rather random. My apologies. It's spring break and my hubby and oldest son are home! Can I just say... it's been awesome! Probably one of THE BEST break times we've had as a family so far. Granted the hubbers an I were gone for 3 days... ha ha ha ... We were able to run off for a few nights together and leave the 4 kids, cat and dog HOME with my wonderful mother in law! Oh, what a blessing! But we came home a day early b/c we missed our kids and our comfy bed! HA! It's bad when sleeping in your OWN bed trumps an additional night away ALONE with the HOT hubster! hee hee hee... We got home late and were so excited to see our kids faces when they came into our room - fully expecting to find Grandma in our bed and it was US... their faces were PRICELESS! (HUGE SILLY GRIN!)
Yawn. it's nearly midnight. I'm truly losing it to even be up this late. I've had a migraine most of the day - along with sinus pressure, stuffed up nose, and sore glands/throat! Time to hit the sack! 'Night all! :)
To the right in my side bar you will see a box with an adorable lil guy in it! His name is Stellan! He is the son of a fellow Blogger that many of you may know as MckMama! Please visit her blog My Charming Kids to learn more about Stellan and the incredible journey God has brought their family through!! And please leave comments of encouragement and prayer if you feel led!!!
To say it's been quiet here in blog land would be an understatement! And it really isn't even because life's been all that busy! I've not made it a priority and not been asking the Lord what he'd like to me talk about. I plan to change that soon!
Honestly, I think in my effort to keep this blog all about God - I somehow put unnecessary pressure on myself to make sure that every word I wrote would somehow impart some lil tidbit of wisdom - sent directly from the Father through "lil ole me". Ahem, cough cough.. nothin' like a lil pride, eh? Oh pride is a ruthless and destructive weed! I think in every attempt to be honest and open and vulnerable - there lurks that desire for affirmation. I don't think that "desire to please" is BAD. I think looking for it in the wrong PLACES is bad! We were made for relationships by God... and hand in hand with relationships comes building one another up!! God wants us to seek HIS affirmation... and NO one elses! So, I will be seeking to find MINE in him!
It rather makes me think of the new puppy we got last week. Hooper is about 8 weeks old and is EAGER to please! But it takes him focus. He is so easily distracted by the kids, or a new scent - the next door neighbor dogs, the windchime outside, and that crusty cheerio that was missed by the broom this morning! And yet, deep within Hooper is a desire to be trained. A desire to be molded into a good dog. A desire to PLEASE and find praise from him master! And it isn't because Hooper wants to put himself above his master or on equal ground with his master. It's because Hooper wants a loving relationship with his master. A relationship with boudaries, trust, comraderie, companionship, and LOVE!
Isn't that the kind of relationship you want with YOUR Father? I know I do. It's a process though! All too often, I'm a hyper distracted daughter - easily swayed and influenced by the words, actions, opinions and ideas of others ... when all I should be doing is keeping my eyes on my Master... waiting for His direction, staying close by His side, walking with Him and enjoying our friendship.
So here's to a NEW DAY :)
I think I'm actually late in getting on the ball with my review of this book! ACK! My sincere apologies to Mary and her staff. When I first got my book "Daisy Chain" in the mail I eagerly opened it and started reading it that day. It quickly had me HOOKED! Being the mother of 4 kids, I had to put it down and finding time to pick it back up has been challenging. But, I am happy to say I'm most of the way through the book!! It is good - though I often found my eyes swimming across the page - but I am sure that's due to the timing of my reading (ur.. uh.. 11 pm?!) and NOT the ability of the author!!
I got this link from a friend. So watch it and then go buy, borrow, or check out "Daisy Chain" from the library!
God put it on my heart to blog today. It was one of those nudges you feel, and yet you feel a little unprepared to follow through. You know, where you feel like you should say something, do something, etc. and yet the words certainly aren't there and you feel completely inadequate to do the job. And yet your compelled to obey.
So I said, okay Lord.
I asked him where to go in scripture and he sent me to James, chapter 1.
Uh, you sure Lord? This is heavy stuff.
Just do it, daughter.
(BIG BREATH!)
James 1 (The Message)
vs 2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, NOT deficient in any way.
I like the phrase "faith-life". To me it gives a picture of action... living, moving, choices, and the day to day "grind" that life can sometimes be. Our faith-life is lived outloud every day - sometimes we forget, sometimes it's muffled, sometimes it's speaking loudly .... and not always in forms of integrity. Under life's "muck" I think we can often default to a "norm" or to a habit or to what's familiar. When it comes RIGHT down to it, how you respond in moments of crisis and challenges is reflective of your walk with the Lord. That isn't to say that freaking out, having moments of panic, or doubt makes us less of a Christ follower. But if we lock ourselves into a mindset that isn't honoring, a mindset that doesn't allow God to show himself to us - AND to those watching... then we've shown that deep down.. we aren't willing to TRUST in Him.
How often when a situation comes up that makes us uncomfortable; do we wrack our brains and quickly try to come up with a way out, a solution, an answer. How often are we on the phone within minutes, seeking advice, guidance or just a "listening ear"? When was the last time we got blind sited and said, "Ok Lord, this isn't fun... but I'm sure there's an ultimate purpose and I'm sure you are going to work this out for your good - you do promise that to me - and i'm trusting to believe it. I think we PRAY that God removes our circumstances, we PRAY that he delivers us, heals us, fixes us - or those hurting us... when really i think we should be be praying...STRENGTHEN me through this, give me joy through this, USE this, stay close to me through this, give me peace through this, and help me to see "this" for what it is and be hopeful for the time that it's over. Don't you think that would change our prayer lives significantly? Asking God to walk us through the hard times instead of magically plucking us OUT of those hard times.
Verse 4 says, Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, NOT deficient in any way.
WOW. Let the pain mature you, shape you, develop you.... and in turn you will NOT be deficient or lacking in anything. When I listen to people speak about the rough times in their lives, I sit in awe when they go on to say, "and i wouldn't have had it any other way!". There's always a reflection about how if they hadn't been brought thru the trials, they wouldn't be the person they are today - they wouldn't have the faith, the love, the intimacy with God, the trusting and whole hearted abandonment to HIS will.... I love it. And I want what they have... but a little voice in me sometimes whispers, "but i want that without all that pain they went through Lord... just give me the goods without the other stuff". Surely I'm not alone in that. :)
Verse 12 goes along with that, and I'll close soon, I promise.
Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.
That peace, that reassurance, that JOY.... it's from sticking it out. For being loyally in love with God.. In love through every up and down, no matter WHAT is going on in life. I pray that I can find the strength to ask God to just walk with me through life's next big hurdle... and that I not just beg away that he remove me and hurry up the process. But that my heart would be ready to be molded as circumstances come.
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