in the words from a friend ....

i have been working to pray something new...

Bind my heart to your heart
Bind my mind to your mind
Bind my will to your will
Bind my life to your purpose
Loosen in me ......

the desire to please others above you... the nature of being selfish and self centered... seeking out approval and validation from the world... making decisions out of fear...

It's a journey for sure. And I'm no where near the end. God's been working on my heart for the last 5 - 6 months ... Some huge-ish things have been going on in my life and in my heart and some of it is beautifully freeing... some of it is letting go of some denial and allowing my eyes to be opened to some truths that i didn't and still don't want to see... and yet can't ignore. At times I still wanna bury my head in the sand and pretend nothing needs to be dealt with. it hurts. it just plain hurts to think about confrontation or vulnerability...

but God didn't call me to a life of ease and comfort. He didn't die for me, so that I could sit in luxery. He died so we could have communion together... so we could have a relationship.. so we could share that kindred spirit and bask in one another's presence... he died so he could be my comfort and my source of strength and my everything... HE wants to meet my every need.. down to the tiniest detail... and he longs that i trust him with the things that hurt... and he hopes that i'll fall into his arms when life starts to go haywire.... i fail. so miserably some days... i hopelessly fail and leave him waiting.... waiting... and waiting for his beloved to come running to him.... but eventually i do... and when i come.. he's waiting, arms open, head tipped, eyes soft and inviting, his mouth turned in a small smile, and his embrace is SO warm... and then once again i am home... he holds me, speaks softly to my soul, reassures me of his love, reminds me of his faithfulness and invites me to dig deeper into knowing his heart...

will you join me as i continue to dig into my Jesus? as i really hunker down and go for broke? i wanna love him with all of me - giving him every fear, desire, joy, sorrow, and feeling of loss... all of me... the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful....

how are you doin with Jesus? do you know him? do you know the love i'm talking about when i write that he's got soft eyes and inviting arms... do you see him that way?