20 years y'all!

Twenty years ago today this man planned an elaborate proposal that ended with him down on one knee on our favorite beach in Seattle asking me to be his wife. I was 19 years old and he was 21. We were so young and in love and the future was bright and boundless. We were married that same year in August where we vowed to love one another until death parted us. We said the traditional vows with stardust and optimism and a tinge of naivety; believing completely that our love was strong enough to hold the world at bay and allow us to live in our happy love bubble forever. He sang to me, I held his gaze with pride; he sang verse 2 first so when first 2 came around he just adlibbed and we laughed and I snuck in a kiss early!

Life has thrown curve balls at us. We have struggles just like everyone else. We misunderstand each other, we don’t always assume the best in one another, we can be impatient and selfish, we allow little things to pile up until we stub our toe on the pile of offenses, we accuse and get defensive and we get lonely. Sometimes we feel lonely when we’re inches away from one another.

In those moments it’s easy to think, “This isn’t what I signed up for”. 

I know that’s an easy thought because I’ve had it. I didn’t sign up to feel this. I didn’t sign up to deal with this. This isn’t what I expected. This isn’t what I planned and this isn’t what I thought we’d look like together.

You see, in dating we put our best face on, our steadiest foot forward and we can’t get enough of one another. There’s nothing too trivial, nothing too boring, nothing too inconsequential. We want to know it all. We want to experience it all. We want to bask in each other’s presence.  But be married a few months and that fades. The intoxication of love fades.  But that doesn’t mean the love has faded. 

It just means the stardust has settled a little.

And this is where the real love gets to act. No one stays together 20 years on happy feelings and heart racing, “Oh my gosh he just looked at me” kinds of emotions. No one stays together because life is easy breezy. People stay together for 20 years because they choose to. It’s a commitment. 

Walking through marriage is a commitment that has a foundation that communicates, “No matter what storms come, what hellish nightmare, what ruthless thoughts; my feet will walk one step at a time with yours.” 

It’s a determination; a declaration. “I won’t run. I won’t turn around and walk away. I will look you in the eyes and vow as I did before that I’m here. I won't bail when it's tough. You’re stuck with me. I’m stuck with you. We’re maybe stuck in it together for a while but that’s ok. There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with.”

Over the last 20 years love has changed. The highs of infatuation have long worn off. We see each other clearly and fully. I know his quirks, his habits, his struggles, his demons and he see’s mine. We see each other’s humanity and embrace it anyway. 

Love looks like listening when we’d rather do our own thing. 

Love looks like going to the grocery store so the other one doesn’t have to. 

Love looks like being the first one out of bed to turn up the heat or pour the coffee or wake the kids. Love looks like that 5 minute back rub that you’d rather receive than give. 

Love looks like making the bed and clearing the table. 

Love looks like overlooking that snide comment and that eye roll (mine). 

Love sounds like I’m sorry and I forgive you. Love sounds like, “Good morning beautiful”. 

Love feels like the embrace at the end of the day that lets us settle in one another’s arms because it’s where we belong. 

Love feels like holding hands in the car. 

Love is his shoulder to cry on when I’ve had a bad day or gotten some hard news or when I’m just at the end of my rope. 

Love overlooks the mascara left on his favorite shirt after he’s held me while I cried. 

Love anchors us; always brings us back and holds us within reach.

I had no idea how hard marriage would be. I had no idea the kinds of fights we’d have or the way that we’d hurt one another. I also had no idea how powerful the words I’m sorry or I forgive you were.  

A humble heart, a broken and contrite spirit – it’s what God asks of us to have true communion with HIM. Truthfully, it’s what we need to have true communion with one another as well. 

A heartfelt apology wipes the slate clean. It has the power to shift the tenor in a room like no other.  It still amazes me how I can be so angry in one moment but when he comes to me with humility and seeks forgiveness and allows pride to fall away my heart that was hardened, thaws and softens immediately.

So, my love; thank you for getting down on one knee 20 years ago. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for seeing things in me that I didn’t know I had. Thank you for believing in me. But most of all thank you for steadily walking with me, day in and day out. We’ve come a long way baby and I’m so excited for the next 20. Not because they’ll be full of sunshine and roses but because I know no matter what we’ll walk them together.

Genesis

Our church, as a whole, is studying the book of Genesis. It's being preached from the pulpit, taught in children's ministry, and talked about to the youth.  All the life groups in the church are also walking through the study together in their groups. I admit, there was a part of me that rolled my eyes when it came time to start. I didn't see what the big deal was. Why was it so important that we put so much emphasis on all studying the same thing at the same time?

I mentioned this to a friend and his position on it was that God can and will use any study, any venue, and anyone. I sat on that for a day or two and realized that if I kept a skeptics heart attitude toward this study that I would miss the moment. I would miss the opportunity to have my eyes opened to something new. I would miss the opportunity to learn. I would miss the opportunity for a blessing and I would miss the opportunity to be used.

So, now I am leading our life group through this study! How's that for a 180? :)  God's grinning from ear to ear, if you ask me.

So, Genesis.  It's a book that I've read many times. Countless Bible stories from my childhood come from this book. The story of creation alone - at the onset of sitting down to read it - left me wondering what I could POSSIBLY learn or see differently than the 345 times I'd read it before.

*Side note... at this point, if my youngest son, Josiah, had heard me say I'd read the creation story 345 times he would have hollered out in a 4th grade sing songy voice, "HYPERBOLE!".   Okay, you got me buddy. I did probably grossly exaggerate how many times I've read it. But, it has been a lot! :)

The thing is though... when we ask God for open eyes and open hearts He is faithful to deliver. I believe that He holds all kinds of wonder and amazement at just the tips of our "understanding" ... waiting for us to just ask for it. I think He finds immense JOY in watching us open the "gift" of a new perspective, a new idea, a new understanding. It's like Christmas morning perhaps. We love to see the anticipation of watching a loved one open a gift that we KNOW they will love.

I'll share one. God created the heavens and the earth. He created light on day 1. There was day and night.  Yup, okay...nothing new there... I read on .... day 2, day 3, day 4.

WAIT?! What.... day 4 God created the lights in the sky ... the sun for the day, the moon and stars for the night.

I stop reading and abruptly flip the pages back...

And then it hit me. Something I had never noticed before.

There was light from day 1 but God didn't create the light that WE know until day 4. So for 3 days - God put into place a light that sustained during his working and creating.  And then when night came.. that light dissipated, turned off, faded away? (My husband and I joked...was it like a light switch? A dimmer?)

What could that light have been? I'm also reading in 1 John right now... and that very day I read... God is the LIGHT of the WORLD. Perhaps the mere presence of God lit up the world.

It's not earth shattering. I didn't solve a theological debate or find a life altering application that day.  But I was excited by the wonder of God.  He is a God of order and a God of creativity. He's a God that created plant life before the sun. It doesn't make any human sense to us. How could there be plant life sustained without the sun? God. How could there be light without a sun and a moon? God.  How could He speak creation into existence. God.

Do I really need a better explanation than that? It's fun to imagine what could have been or what might have been but fundamentally, at the end of the day my answer is GOD...not logic, not science, not a theory.

It's just God. He's indescribable and His works are far more than I can fathom. And you know what? I'm good with that.

Friday night, Eric and I trucked back to Lowes for the 3rd time. We were walking in with the intentions to buy a new washer and dryer!  We looked and hunted and talked to the sales guy (the son of a friend... so sweetly strange to interact with him as a young man and our appliance sales guy!).

We found one that we hadn't seen online. It met all our criteria AND was on sale.  The dryer that accompanied it was also on sale and for even cheaper!! 

With the financial gift we'd been given (read the last post if you're lost) we only paid out of pocket for the dryer we bought!! The washer was totally covered!

God is so good. We continue to be encouraged by His faithfulness. 

My washing machine died last weekend. No really. It’s dead. Kaput. A-goner.

We bought our first washer and dryer (used from a buddy of my brother in law) when we were pregnant with Noah. That was 15 ½ years ago. We’ve still been using the same washer since then. Eric’s had to fix a couple things on it from time to time, but for the most part it’s been a reliable washer. The matching dryer died years ago and was replaced but even THAT dryer isn’t really drying well these days.

We knew our washer’s death was imminent. The sounds that were coming from it during the spin cycle were pretty indicative that the end was nearing.

New washers … well, let’s just say they are a whole new kind of machine. Treading into Lowes to look at machines feels like you’re in over your head; looking at these washers with a gajillion settings and see through top lids and massive drums without agitators. I’m telling you… they are nothin’ like my old machine.

We saw a machine Saturday (when we weren’t in the market to buy b/c we hoped the red-neck fix my hubby was trying was going to work…). It’s cost made us gulp but gave us an idea for the future… we hoped long off into the future…

Cue Saturday night when my washer officially breathed her last (with a sopping load of wash sloshing within her ta’boot).  The washer we’d glanced at earlier that day was on sale for a couple more hours. But I couldn’t pull the trigger on an expense like that without touching it and seeing it in person.

Sunday we went back to Lowes. This time we looked with purpose. But left empty handed to do some more research and read reviews.

Monday we went back and I had a plan. I knew what I wanted. But when we talked to the sales guy (someone we know and trust) he told us that that particular brand does tend to “come back more often than the others”. 

Enter doubt and frustration… and my furrowed brow and look of despair.

We leave. Empty handed and in our truck with nothing to bring home.

By now, I’m exhausted. It’s been a rough weekend without a washer, parenting has been hard, I’m still wrestling from time to time with my Dad’s diagnosis and my natural bent to worry about him, and I just want something to be easy. 

We get home and I’m working on dinner while Eric returns a phone call to our pastor. He walks out of our room and stands there looking at me while I stand over the stove. He proceeds to tell me that someone (an anonymous someone) has left a “monetary gift” for us with our pastor and that we need to go over and pick it up tonight. He tells us that someone must have known we had some kind of need.

Only God.

Of course, we’d told some people that our washer broke, that we were on the hunt for a new one etc. But only God moves in the hearts of his people to decide to prompt someone to give gifts of this size to another  family.  We are continually humbled and blessed and blown away by the generosity of others and to see how God continues to supply for our every need. 

All the sudden the washers that weren’t on sale and the washer that got returned too often didn’t seem important. My focus was no longer on what I was lacking. Instead my focus became more on what God had done. In the midst of my panic, he was moving on my behalf and setting up provisions in advance for me.

With this gift – we are thankful. With this gift, we want to steward it to the best of our ability. Once I have my new washer – there won’t be any way that I will be able to do laundry and not feel the love of God and the love of our anonymous giver. The body of Christ, at work, lacks for nothing. 

So tonight, I’m grateful and blessed.

What about when BOLD prayers seem unanswered?

 

The key board have been silent for the past week or so.

My heart and soul, not so much. 

God gave me a gift in the word “bold” for the year. I’m choosing to look at it as a gift because I know every good thing comes from the Father of Heavenly Lights. While I don’t understand all his “gifts” I can still choose to believe and to trust that they are for a good – even when that good seems invisible to me.

Our family has been anticipating a diagnosis. My Dad has been keeping an eye on some symptoms that he’s been experiencing. It’s been on my heart for months.  As the day approached for his doctor appointment I began to pray. Because God is breathing into me a spirit of boldness this year, I chose to stand on the promise that HE never takes me somewhere He isn’t already present.  So, I boldly prayed that my Daddy would get to the doctor appointment and that the doctor would find nothing wrong with him; that his symptoms would be simply natural aging symptoms, that the things that bothered him would be gone, and that IF there was something wrong it would be healed in HIS MIGHTY name. I prayed BOLD. I believed BOLD. I hoped BOLD. I counted on BOLD.

And then the phone rang.

And a diagnosis came. Parkinson’s Disease.

My heart stuttered. What?! How can this be? How could this happen? I prayed. I prayed BOLD like you asked of me. I renounced sickness, I prayed healing, I praised you in advance for the healing you would do in his body because I was THAT sure you could bring it to pass.

And yet, the diagnosis came. Parkinson’s Disease.

That was one week ago today.  God and I, we have gone a few rounds. It’s comforting to know He can handle my hurt, my sadness, my questions, my doubt, my wondering what He’s up to. 

My heart, when overcome with the unknowns fears the future; fears tomorrow; fears what’s to come around the corner that I can’t see. And yet, wasn’t my first thing of the year to purpose ‘embracing the unknown’. 

God put that phrase on my heart.

He knew.

He knew that I’d wrestle with the unknown.

He knew that there would be things in my future – in the future of those that I love – that would require a blind faith – in every unknown … to remember that in every unknown situation HE is what IS KNOWN.

The unknown need not be nearly so scary because He’s already there. There’s a certain comfort that comes with looking at the future – as scary as it looks some days – and knowing that His comfort, His love, His embrace, His provision, His company, His healing… it’s all there, waiting in anticipation for me… and for you…

Tonight, I led worship at Celebrate Recovery. (This was the event that I blogged about earlier). I was anxious going in because the “I like order and control” self was having to “go with the flow”. I wasn’t 100% sure who my band was going to be. I was walking into a new service, and leading from a venue I had never even stepped foot on before.

And then there was the underlying tension in my spirit… that tug of choosing to believe God is good even when prayers are not answered the way I’d like.

The pull of wanting God to use me and the gifts and talents He’s instilled in me – and yet wanting to hide and put on the mask that there isn’t anything simmering under my skin, deep in my soul.  I didn’t plan what I was going to say. Every time I tried it felt fake, forced, rehearsed. Instead, I picked a Psalm to read and prayed BOLDLY that God would place His words in my mouth and that I would be a vessel for Him tonight.

I can’t tell you exactly what I said. What I do remember is sharing that it had been a hard week and that we had received a diagnosis – that even though we expected it, it felt like a sucker punch. I admitted praying BOLD prayers and feeling like God hadn’t heard me when the diagnosis still came. I had hoped to not get emotional up front, on a stage in front of strangers, but tears did come. How could they not?

What I didn’t expect was the way it felt to share my heart. Bearing my heart was not only cathartic, it was filling. Releasing those feelings and thoughts left room for His spirit to come rushing in…like a wind, like a flood filling up those spaces where doubt and hurt and anger had dared to take up lodging.  It’s no wonder scripture tells us to bear one another’s burdens and to confess our sins to one another.

I love that, tonight, in a place of tender (albeit emotional) boldness, God answered.

My Dad isn’t healed but my heart is on its way there. 

 

 

This year I purpose to...

Bold. Brave Out Loud Decisions. That’s what my word, bold, means for me this year. It means voicing things for accountability. It means voicing things to give them validity and life. It means stepping outside my comfort zone. It means growing ….

THIS YEAR I PURPOSE TO:

~ EMBRACE:  the unknown

                I haven’t a blessed clue what tomorrow will bring and that is okay. God is in control. That is enough for me. I will rest knowing he has it under control.

~ ENGAGE:  daily and deliberately

                I will be deliberate in my interactions. I will put forth a daily effort to not just be physically present but to be emotionally present as well. It will be an investment that compounds indefinitely.

~BE:  the spouse you’d want and the friend you’d want

                I will focus on my actions and not on the perceived failings of those around me. I will act and speak and love in a way that I would want to be loved in return. This likely looks like sacrifice.

~ BELIEVE: God’s truth about who I am.

                I am a daughter of the Most High King. That makes me royalty. I am a co-heir with Christ. That means Jesus is my brother. That means his inheritance is MY inheritance. That leaves me speechless.

~ BREAK:  negative self-talk

                I must be on guard. In order to break the negative self-talk I must be able to identify the voice of truth. Breaking negative self-talk walks closely with believing God’s truth about who I am. I must replace the negative thoughts with God honoring and sound thoughts.

~ Daily:  abide in His presence

                I want to learn to abide better. I’m a busy girl and busy girls like to get things done. Abiding is intentional and has an element (at least to me) of rest involved. It’s a surrendering.

~DO:  act on the “urges” of the Holy Spirit

                I want to listen closer and blindly obey.  I believe obedience is less about the outcome and more about the action of follow through. It builds an ear for listening and it breaks down self-centered walls. Obedience in the little things builds faith and character and its excellent practice for when God calls me to have faith and to obey the big “asks”.

~ LET GO: of the past

                My future is secure in His promises. That’s where I want my eyes set.

~ LEARN:  be moldable and teachable

                I want my heart and will to be in the hands of the potter. I want to be clay in His hands.

~ LIVE:  bold

                Brave Out Loud Decisions – enough said!

~GIVE:  out of lack and out of abundance

                Whether I feel there’s enough or not (money, time, energy, love, desire, patience….)

I still want to give.

~ GROW:  in the WORD

                I want to be wowed by the word of God this year. I want to learn and soak in new truths and new stories. I want to turn the pages and be thirsty for more.

                

The journey begins

It's just days in to this new bold year of mine. Funny, how once you start to focus and meditate on something how it seems to just show up, everywhere. Kind of like that car you bought, thinking it was so original and unrepresented on the streets. Until you buy it, and somehow you now see them every third block. It's a funny phenomenon ... I'm pretty sure it has it's own name but that's beside the point. 

The point is... I acted timid, insecure, safe.

There, I admitted it.

The sad part, is I knew I was doing it, too. It wasn't some accidental, absent minded, I'm too flakey to realize I'm stepping away from my new declaration of bold.  What I knew was I wanted a safety net, some experience first, a chance to "check it out".

And all the spirit could whisper to me was, "This is your time to step forward. This is your time to trust me. This is your time to put into action that which you've spoken. This is your time...step up...be bold."

*sigh*

(insert internal dialogue)
"Your plans are good for me, right Lord?
Always.

"You're not going to leave me hanging to dry, right?"
I'm always with you.

"What if I look like an idiot or fail?"
So what if you do?

The thing is, I know God has plans for me. I know He has the desire to orchestrate things in my life for His glory, for my good, for the good of His body. I know I have a part to play, a place to belong, and that I am to be instrumental in the Kingdom.  The human fleshy part of me says, "But at what cost?" because I get caught up in how much time it might take, how much sacrifice it might demand, how much will it affect my family, how will it make me look, and the insecurities of "I can't". 

But, I admit, on the heels of those fleshy thoughts comes another. "How can I not? How can I live, knowing that God has a plan for me and choose to ignore, choose to turn away from it, choose to pretend I don't see the signs?  Is there anything that I could attain on my own that would make ignoring the Spirit of God in my soul worth it?  I say, NO! Emphatically I say NO."

And yet....

A request is made of me to lead worship in a "new to me" venue. I hesitate. "Sure I'd love to help, but I don't want to lead by myself the first time. I want to feel it out."

It looks like surprise on his face when I tell him. He assures me that it will be easy, that the stage is big but its forgiving, and that no one there will be looking down on me ... they are just a bunch of broken people choosing to meet together.

**swallow**
Insert the Spirit's little pep talk to me above... This is your time....

Today, I pushed accept on the scheduling request sent to me. Everyone requested to play in the band has either not confirmed or is unable. So far, it's just me. It's okay. It's a couple weeks out and there's time to fill the spaces.

God has a plan. He has a purpose. He has a promise. What's better is he has a plan, purpose and promise FOR ME.

BOLD

I have insomnia tonight. Either that or the French vanilla cup of coffee I had this evening has kicked in and the buzz of caffeine has chosen to engage my brain. Both are unusual.  Typically when it is time to go to sleep I check my alarm, plug in my phone, kiss my hubby goodnight, turn off the light, roll over and within minutes I’m sound asleep snoring breathing peacefully.  My hubby can attest to this. It is true. He’s often envious of my quick to sleepness.

So, tonight – when sleep was elusive I finally decided to just get up. My thoughts ran from one thing to the next but landed on the word that has chosen me for this year. For several years, rather than make a list of New Year’s resolutions that I will never end up keeping, I have prayed for God to give me a word to focus on for the year. As the New Year approaches I always start being aware of what God might be speaking to me. I do my best to help Him and I come up with good words to suggest to Him – words such as blessing or miracles or rest or joy – words that give me warm fuzzies and comfort and assurance.

Three years ago my word was change. Boy was it a year! Change was an understatement.

Two years ago my word was strong. I had a lot of practice utilizing strength, growing strength, and asking for strength. But, it was a year that God used for His glory. 

This last year, my word was persevere. I was literally counting down the days to the end of the year – just waiting for it to be over and the word to roll over to something new!  It’s not that it was a bad year – but it was a tough year – lots of change, lots of relying on God, practicing patience and trust.  Good came from persevering.

This year, God did something different.  I didn’t think long and hard for my word.

It found me.

I don’t think it’s by accident either.  Last week at our life group I shared my story – the ups and downs of my life and my walk. At the end, I said that I felt strongly that God was calling me to live more boldly as I was coming out of a season of caution.  It was just a statement.  I said it loud and clear for everyone to hear. 

My friend, Gina, responded and said how she liked my word… “Bold”.

 I had an inner reaction. “Um, bold is not my word. I didn’t choose that word. I was just saying God was calling me to be more bold.”  It was as if there was an inner recoiling in my spirit to the word.  But hadn’t I just claimed it? Why was I responding that way?   Her words rang in my ears for days.  At that point, I put in some effort to think of a new word … a better word….

Nothing came. All was quiet.

Sunday came and the next teaching series was introduced. “BOLD”.  

Okay, Lord. You’re funny. But surely, you don’t mean it.

This morning, I started a new book, The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. The second chapter opens with “Bold prayers honor God, and God honors bold prayers”.  

Okay, Lord. You have my attention. You’re speaking. Here I am... In hindsight it almost feels like my Samuel moment where God is calling to me – third times the charm, I guess.

I told my Mom today about my new word. How it wasn’t one I initially wanted. How it wasn’t one I really feel I picked, but that rather it picked me. I told her how the word is popping up everywhere around me. In the end I told her that it felt like a gift to me from Him… a reminder, an assurance, an encouragement.

The idea came to me later in the idea that it might be fun to make BOLD stand for something. I struggled and came up with nothing. Then as I lay awake in my bed, caffeine coursing through my veins, my brain gone haywire and hyperactive on me… the phrase brave out loud decisions popped into place.  It was perfect.

Being bold requires a bravery that resists the urge to bow to peer pressure or worry of what others think of me.

Being bold requires speaking out- loud. I believe out loud is two fold. One, I must speak out – speak out for those that can’t speak for themselves, speak out for what is true, and speak out of my comfort zone. Speaking loud comes with a confidence that requires God-confidence – Godfidence if you will.  (Hey, Ann Voskamp can create new words, why can’t I?).

Being bold requires making decisions. One doesn’t live bold whilst waffling about what to say or do. Living bold requires action and initiative. It requires a sound mind and a fixed focus on what God desires.  Living bold requires taking risks, chances, and firm stances.

It will be a bold year.

A “brave out-loud decisions” kind of year.

I can’t tell you what that looks like yet. This morning in my devotions I journaled the following:

My word for 2017…BOLD. It feels scary but hopeful, intimidating but liberating, unchartered waters yet a deep calling to me. IF I could walk bold, God could take me places and into situations where His power could be displayed through me. Am I a willing vessel? Am I willing to be an active participant in this process? Lord, help me in my unbelief, in those times I doubt your goodness, doubt your faithfulness. Give me a Holy confidence in you.

An old chorus from my high school days (and probably older) came to mind as I sat down to write tonight. I leave you with these words.

Be bold, be strong

For the Lord, thy God is with you.

Be bold, be strong

For the Lord thy God is with you.

I am not afraid (no no no)

I am not ashamed (no no no)

Because I’m walking in faith and victory

Come on, walk in faith and victory

For the Lord, thy God is with you.

I'm here

I knew I hadn't been posting, but REALLY... nothing since 2011?!  Goodness, that was 3 years ago.

Three years ago my amazing oldest son was in 3rd grade, my one and only daughter was in 1st grade, my most favorite 3rd born son was a kindergartner, and my baby boy was 3!! Life sure looked different then!

Three years ago my kids went to public school everyday. The rode in the Isuzu Trooper with their Dad everyday because he worked at their elementary school.  I just had the "baby" at home but kept busy with household stuff, ministry, baby sitting, and day to day life.

Jump ahead three years and you'd find me today - having been on a journey I never expected!  Now instead of sending kids off to school, they stay home and I do my bestest (wink) to educate them!  My amazing oldest son is in 6th grade and comes up to my eye balls in height!  My one and only daughter is in 4th grade and she thrills me with her creativity and love for life.  My favorite third  born is in 3rd grade and to say he's the funnest act at the party would be an understatement. And that brings us to the baby, who's in 1st grade (But 2nd grade math. He's quick to tell you that). He still loves morning snuggles in bed and to be picked up and toted as often as possible.   My days are full of the normal for everyone else - throw schooling 4 kids in on that and there doesn't seem to be a lot of room for much else.  Ministry and outside relationships get some time and the marriage takes some time... and well... pretty soon times up!

That would explain the lack of blogging.  I rarely thought to post. And when I did, it wasn't when I had time or, lets face it... energy! :)

I'd like to think I'll be back here sooner than the 3 years I was away.  I don't even want a glimpse of 3 years in the future might look like right about now.... :)

Sibling Rivarly

My children are 9, 7, 6, and 4. My two oldest are nearly 10 and 8. You know when your kids are small - that the years seem to create huge gaps in their physical and emotional maturity and capabilities? It seems like somewhere between 3 and 6 we just sort of lumped them all together. Having our kids so close together in age has it's challenges and it's benefits. For many years it was easy to lump them together with what they could do - especially the oldest 3 who are all within 3 years of each other. Chores, discipline, rewards, expectations.... were generally the same. Mostly out of sanity for my husband and myself. Sometimes there were moments where I felt my oldest was getting the shaft - feeling as if he deserved more rewards than he was getting. But then I often felt that my 3rd born was getting the shaft as my expectations of him where equal to that of his brother - 3 years older.

All this to say - it's been a song and dance and time of adjusting and pondering lately.

It seems that as our kids age - I am seeing the age difference be more pronounced. I anticipate this for a season and then I anticipate it falling back into the older pattern where they catch up with each other (perhaps in the teen years).

As a Mom, I find myself flustered and frustrated when watching and listening to my kids. I think they feel frustrated with the status quo right now as well. There is a lack of consistency from the parents and lack of follow through all the time. My oldest wants to have the extra privileges without the extra responsibility. My younger ones want to have equal rights to the big brother. The "That's not fair" line is thrown around a LOT. I mean A LOT. It doesn't seem to matter how much I acknowledge and encourage them to buy into the fact that life isn't fair; they think it should be.

Mornings seem to be the witching hour at our house. Getting ready for school, showers, breakfast, back packs, coats.... all of that is interrupted with flares of tempers and words that are less than building in nature. "He made me". "It's all her fault." and "I am so angry right now", are heard regularly. I frequently have to remind them that it takes 2 to fight. That no one can MAKE you feel a certain way or MAKE you choose a poor choice. I also remind them that anger is okay but it has to be handled in an okay way. That in their anger they can not sin. Practical ways they shouldn't sin right now is in hitting, rude words, glaring, sticking their tongues out, hitting walls, throwing things, or any sort of violence.

I wish I could get a glimpse into their little hearts and see what was going on in there. Maybe then I could understand better how to parent.

Right now, it's just tough.

This feels like a disjointed flailing post .... but it did help to just get a few thoughts out.

How do you deal with sibling rivalry?

The Body of Christ

Earlier this month my daughter, Carissa, became very sick. We eventually figured out that she had a kidney infection and that was the cause of her pain and high fevers. It was a scary couple days as we went to the Dr. and eventually to the ER when she spiked 105.4 F! As we were in the ER we had our small group praying. Soon, there was a group of folks at church aware of what was going on and the body of Christ went into action. There was spiritual action in the form of prayer and supplication to God. There was emotional support - friends asking if we were okay. There was the practical support - in the form of asking how the kids needed help, whether we'd eaten dinner (which we hadn't so dinner was brought to us in the ER!) and there was FRIENDSHIP offered and followed through with action. We had friends stop by the ER to see how we were and to let us know that they were "there". We felt rallied around in that moment in a very tangible way.

We saw the body of Christ work in a very real and tangible way that week. It was such a beautiful thing. I was so encouraged by our church family and felt apart of something so much bigger than I had felt before. People cared about my daughter. People cared about my family. People cared about ME. What a blessed thing.

It hasn't always felt that way though. There have been seasons in our life and marriage where sometimes we've felt alone. We've gone through the motions of attending church and functions and we have silently been hurting. Perhaps we've never been brave enough to show the truth of hearts - or perhaps others haven't taken the time to see it, acknowledge it and then follow through. Regardless - the body of Christ wasn't able to function as it was meant to b/c we allowed fear, insecurities, pride, or lies to get in the way.

When will we as a church and as the family of God - remove the mask and let people see us as we really are? Once the insecurities and lies are brought into the light and we share our "deep dark secrets" we usually see that others have so many of their own. When will we stop feeling the judgement of others before we ever give them a chance to show mercy?

Don't we usually appreciate the candor and honesty when others share with us their pain and angst? We don't leave an encounter with a sister in Christ and scoff and her weakness, blame her for the pain she's in, or tell her that if she just had more faith she'd be a better woman, wife, mother, friend, employee, or daughter of Christ. And yet, don't we silently tell ourselves those very words when we are in the place of darkness? Don't we say to ourselves, "If I was more submissive to my husband", or "If I didn't yell at my kids and speak harshly to them", or "If I'd called that friend this week I could have.....", or "I don't deserve the mercy of my boss because I wasn't on 100% this week....", or "I'm worth nothing." Lies, lies, lies, lies.

God is the source of our strength. Without him, we are weak. We are shells of bodies, walking the earth for OURSELVES. When we have him and we call on his name, he fills us, bouy's our spirits and enables us to do things so far beyond our human capacities. He enables us to take another step, forgive, confront, obey, place boundaries, speak, be silent, move, stand still, WAIT, listen and in the process give him all the glory. In our weakness He makes us strong - not so that we can show the world OUR strength but so that we can SHOW his STRENGTH in such obvious ways. There will be no doubt that He is at work in me. And may my pride be in you and not in myself. EVER.

I'm finding that what we WANT out of the body of Christ - we have to be first in GIVING to the body of Christ. If we want accountability, if we want friendship, if we want compassion, if we want mercy, if we want forgiveness..... all those things are products of giving. We can't take accountability with out vulnerability. Friendship isn't true friendship if it's not 2 sided. Compassion when taken but not given isn't fair to the giver. Mercy when not given and only taken is undeserved and when we don't forgive others God has no reason to forgive us. In fact he says in the word of God that if can't and don't forgive our brother that he can't forgive us either.

Father, give me boldness to be real. Boldness to be vulnerable. I ask that you help erase the fears of insecurity, worrying what others will think of me, fear of rejection, and that you will give me words and a heart that conveys the power of you in my life. That I would be a giver of accountability, friendship, compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. May I be a limb in the body of Christ - hands that give life - and don't destroy, a mouth that encourages and doesn't condemn, and a heart that beats in time with Yours.

Saturday nights

It's Saturday night. If you're anything like me (Which, you might consider yourself lucky if you aren't) you might be finding yourself getting prepared for Sunday. Tomorrow I have the privilege and honor of joining some fellow musicians and together, we get to lead our brothers, sisters, and friends in Christ to the feet of Jesus in worship. It's not a small responsibility and it can sit heavy with me some days. Often I can feel the weight of my own personal and even spiritual inadequacies and I can question whether I should even be a used vessel of God.

Often, those visible in leadership, ie, on the stage - can seem to those sitting in the pews as being individuals that have some how gotten it together better. Somehow they have figured out how to conquer sin, resist temptation, tame bad habits, turn from poor choices, choose the right words, turn the other cheek, and on top of that ... they might even have on an outfit that matches, hair that looks in place and a smile that is plastered on to their face........ while on stage anyway. How many times have I listened to a speaker, whether at church or a conference or retreat and just based on WATCHING them, walked away defeated? Hmm... probably too many times to recall or count.

As a woman, comparing myself to another person is as second nature as breathing. It's that ever present "Sizing-up" that we fall so victim to. It's where we rate ourselves and either end of feeling "Better" or "Worse" - both of which dishonor God and ourselves.

My biggest fear when leading my friends in worship is that we as a band will somehow get in the way of their opportunity to see Jesus. I fear that we will be a distraction and that their hearts will be drawn away from the wonder of Jesus and that a moment of intimacy with Jesus will be missed. You can trust, my church family, that Saturday nights and Sunday mornings are full of short one sentence prayers petitioned to the Father ... that you might come and worship. That you might come and feel peace. That you might come and feel WHOLE. That you might come and REST. That you might come and MEET Jesus face to face, heart to heart, and in a way you have never encountered His love.

Saturday nights are also a time when I tend to evaluate my week. I still get into the trap of not wanting to start Sunday out "on the wrong foot". I still want to walk into church feeling like "I'm good with God" and all is well. I find it sad, and even embarrassing to admit - because aren't we called to evaluate our EVERY day? God desires our BEST at all times - not just when we prepare to "enter his courts". I'm personally working to not keep a ledger book during the week. You know, where you mentally jot down the wrongs you might have done during the week. Then, at some moment just do a large sweeping prayer such as, "Oh Lord, I'm sorry for the bad things I did this week. Please forgive me and help me to do better. Thank you. Amen"

Surely I am not the only one that's done that?? :)

I'm working to be intentional and listen to the spirit's nudge. When I recognize a sin in action I am trying to first, stop the sinning, and then repent immediately to the Lord. This keeps me in constant communication with the Father and it doesn't allow for the guilt to pile as perhaps that little wrong here and the little wrong there seem to accumulate and distract me. I don't have to feel that poking and prodding. I am freed to spend my thoughts and energies on the positive things in my day - blessing someone, calling someone, serving my family, and just being with God.

I'm not perfect. I'm a sinner - just like you. I have short comings and failings. I play games with God. I act like he doesn't know everything, when I know he does. I dismiss the Holy Spirit and his nudges sometimes. I get angry. I roll my eyes at my kids. I model poor behavior. I throw temper tantrums. I gossip. I lie. I disrespect my husband. And I dishonor my God with my thoughts and attitudes. (And trust me, there's plenty more)

Even after all of that - He's eager to hear me come to him.

So, it's Saturday night. Tomorrow is Sunday. I'm preparing in my usual ways. I've thought through the songs and what I might say. I've had the kids pick out their outfits tonight so that it's easier for my hubby to get them around. I'll be doing inventory in my heart - and this time not because I want to give off the false impression that "I've got it figured out". No, this time it's because I want my full capacity to serve Jesus to be used. I don't want there to be any corner, nook, cranny, or crawl space where sin can lurk.

I can't wait to see how God will be praised tomorrow!!!!

Blessed through Obedience

Have you ever felt that nudge from the Holy Spirit? That voice that seems to whisper and echo in your mind and heart as if to say, "You know what to do, now do it." And that thing you feel you're being asked to do is something you're kind of dreading. Well, that happened to me this week.

A couple days ago a neighbor mentioned to me over the fence that she had found another small handful of rocks over her fence. The guilty party, not just once but now twice over, was Josiah (aka, JJ). She handed me the bag and expressed her concern for rocks coming over the fence. I apologized (tho I felt myself lacking sincerity) and told her I'd address the issue again. After another minute I walked away feeling irritated that she'd make such a big deal of it. "Boys are boys and boys will throw. It's not his fault we live in the city. Yes, I understand the hazard but did it really need to be a big deal??"

As I evaluated my frustrations and fumed further I realized it was mostly out of embarrassment and pride that my feelings were originating. I was embarrassed that I was being called out on the behavior of my kid. My pride had taken a hit. No longer would she think of me as the mom with great kids who shared her back fence. I'd be the Mom who couldn't control her kids who shared the back fence with her.

It wasn't long before the thought of apologizing came to mind. I knew in my heart I'd been defensive and abrupt with her. I knew in my heart, I'd been disrespectful and that my heart had not pleased God. I began to think through how I could apologize with it hurting the least. Sort of like a half "you know what" kind of apology. Again, I knew this wouldn't be the answer.

I decided to use a painting that JJ made as an apology card from JJ. He signed his name to the note that said, " I am sorry for throwing rocks over the fence.".

Secretly I was hoping I could find her in the back yard - perhaps see her working in her yard and just holler over the fence, hand her the note, apologize quickly and get it over with. I decided to work in the yard and found myself saying to the Lord, "Give me an opportunity Lord. I will be sincere and heart felt. I really am sorry for my behavior and my attitude now and I do want to please you and I do want to apologize. Send her out into the yard so I can do this." As quickly as the thought and prayer was off my "tongue/mind" it was as if I felt God saying to me, "Why should I have to send her out? You know where she lives. Go. And go NOW."

I had a choice. I knew God wanted me to go. I knew it'd be hard to swallow my pride. I knew face to face would feel different than a stretch over the fence and a quick laugh as we both moved on. I knew it would take vulnerability and honesty. I also knew the feeling and need to apologize wasn't going to fade. It'd stuck with me for several days and it had not budged.

So I grabbed the card and I grabbed a container of strawberry freezer jam and hopped in the car. I drove around the block to her house and parked. "Okay Lord... here I go."

I knocked on her door and when she opened the door I told her, "Hi, I'm your neighbor from the back yard." She eagerly said hello and asked me into her home. (Okay, surprise #1). She seemed a little puzzled at my coming but was immediately gracious and welcoming into her home. I went on to explain, "I just wanted to apologize for the conversation we had last week over the fence. I really felt like I was rude and abrupt with you and I know I was wrong. I have felt very convicted of my actions and I wanted to say that I am sorry. JJ made you a card and here is some strawberry freezer jam....".

Her face lit up and she said, "THANK you so much!" She acknowledged that the timing of the conversation wasn't good. She had rushed it as she knew she had a pot on the stove and she knew I was just grabbing something quick off the back porch. She said she'd hesitated before saying something but did it anyway. (And I'm glad she did). After a few more minutes of chatting she asked me if I'd like to join her for a glass of ice tea. (Surprise #2). I said, "YES! Let me go grab my purse out of the car." I was smiling to myself already as I walked to the car to get my purse and come back inside. My obedience was already being blessed.

She poured us ice tea in beautiful crystal glasses that almost looked similar to ice cream parfait glasses. We started to talk and we talked for at least an hour and a half! We covered topics of parenting, church, work, going back to school, moving, adapting, houses, peaches, and dogs. No kidding!! She went on to tell me how she loves to hear Carissa sing in the backyard and hear the boys playing. She said she finds Hooper to be such a regal looking dog and doesn't mind him at all. But the best thing she said the whole conversation was this. She said, "I want to thank you for being a mom that doesn't yell and scream at her kids. You are a mom that talks to them when you discipline. I can hear you and I really respect that in you." I was astonished. I thanked her and brushed it aside. But later in our chat I came back to her comment and told her how much it meant to me. I expressed to her how much her comment had touched my heart. Often as a mom I feel frazzled and I know I have resorted to anger, manipulation, bribery, or just pure yelling to communicate. And knowing that I've done that before has often left me feeling ashamed and embarrassed, knowing full well it's wrong. It's an area where I have been consciously working to do better - asking God for His help.

I left my house feeling anxious of the conversation to come. Not knowing how it would end up but knowing it was a conversation that needed to be had.

But I went.

I left her home feeling full and encouraged. Feeling blessed not only by God but by my new found friend. I left feeling validated by a veteran mom and grandma. I left feeling hopeful for what is yet to be in our friendship. She opened her home and her heart to me. We exchanged numbers and I plan to stop in and visit her again. Perhaps next time I'll take the guilty party with me. She told me she planned to put his picture (card) on the fridge.

I sense that God could use her in my life for good things. And perhaps God could use me and even a rock throwing boy, in her life. We need each other so much more than we often think.

God will always bless us when we choose to walk in obedience. It isn't always in blessings seen immediately. It isn't always presented with a bow wrapped around it and a big balloon attached. But it was for me today. Today I was given the gift of friendship.

Grace Spot of the Day

I've started couponing. Yes, I've become "one of those"... you know the one you regret getting behind at the grocery store line, especially when you realize that someone has come behind you in line and you are now trapped... unable to escape. Actually, can I tell you - that might be true of SOME crazy couponers... but not me. Oh no, I'm organized. I have my coupons in order, stacked tidily on top of whatever given item is being purchased. I place dividers between my orders and smile sweetly. Oh sure, my 3 inch binder is in the front of the cart - coupons spilling out the top and my cash is poking out of the "envelope system" we use for cash purchases... but it's all good my friends... because I am saving getting more bang for my buck... and who wouldn't want THAT?!

So I started this a few weeks ago. This last week there were some great deals and I eagerly took advantage of them. I mean, GOOD deals! Anyway - come to find out though, I spent a lil more than I anticipated for the week on groceries and felt a slight sinking feeling in my gut... wondering if I'd made some sort of fiscal mistake... Ever done that? Course you have. You're human. Just like me.

Anyway, today is Sunday, and as is customary a couple papers are purchased and I sit down with scissors in hand - ready to clip and organize my handy dandy Krazycouponlady binder.

Secretly I was hoping the deals wouldn't be great so that I didn't feel the pull and angst of wanting to spend and buy and feeling like I shouldn't spend and buy. As I closed the last ad and flipped the last page of the ONLY insert in the paper (redplum this week) I happily realized I hadn't seen one deal I "had to have", nor clipped ONE coupon that needed to be used for my family.

Now see, on any other given date - I'd have perhaps felt disappointed or annoyed. But, not today. Nope. Today I smiled. It was like God's little gift to me. It was his way of keeping me from obsessing about coupons, trips to the store, organizing my transactions to get the best value, and hours of scouring the internet for more coupons and deals and the like. It's like he gave me the week off. Well, until the Wednesday paper comes out and I get a peek at the local grocery ads that don't run in the Sunday. But by then, I'll have been nearly a week w/o spending on groceries and I'll have a green light to go....

God is gracious to me. He gives me what I need, when I need it. How do I become blind to it so easily??

This month is one of sacrifice in many areas. We just started the DAVE RAMSEY Financial Peace class at our church and the budget that we used before is needing some tweakage (yup, new word). Wouldn't you know it - our heater motor is wacked out and not working? Wouldn't you know it - all the big bills are due this month so we're unable to adopt the new budget yet. Wouldn't it happen that my dryer squeals so badly you can hear it when you drive into the driveway? Yup... it's true.

And I spent a good part of the morning in a pity party. But Eric took me into our room, closed the door, and prayed. Prayed for our hearts. Prayed for our money. Prayed for our lack of money. Prayed that we would stay focused on God and on the blessings He gives daily (and in such abundance).

Was I instantly cured of my wallowing? No - even flippantly said I wasn't convinced ... I'm such a dork, I know. But as the day went by - God showed up and grinned down on me and it was as if he teasingly said, "Now, whatever you do... don't smile daughter.... nope, no, don't do it...."

And whatya know? I ended up grinning back.... just like daughters do to their Daddy's all the time.

His gift to me

This past week I came across a job opportunity at my church. It was for a part time office assistant position. If you would have known me as a little girl, you'd know that my favorite piece of furniture in my room was my desk. I would sit and arrange and rearrange my pencils and pens and piles of paper. I always pretend I was doing an important job or something for someone else important.

Oddly enough, this same job was open 9 years ago when I was pregnant with my oldest son. I actually applied for the job back then, thinking that perhaps motherhood might cause me to be stir crazy. :) Such are the thoughts of a first time mom, sometimes. ;o)

Anyway, when I hear the job was again open, these 9 years later my heart quickened. I knew realistically in my head that it wasn't really an option but I did entertain the thoughts. I even talked to a friend who works there about the position and we both agreed that it'd sure be a FUN thing for all of us.

When I brought it up to Eric, he was more than wiling to support the idea. Me, working 3 days a week, putting JJ in childcare, figuring after school logistics, everything. He was willing to do whatever it took to help this happen for me if I wanted it. That was a welcome gift. His support is cherished, still now.

As the next few days went by, we'd talk about it and pray about it. My heart just couldn't find the peace I was so hoping for. With a twinge of disappointment (And yet utmost confidence, oddly enough) I let them know that I would be passing on putting in an application. I told Eric and he was okay with my decision as well. I know that God has me at home for this season of life with kids and I want to be 100% okay with that and trust His plan is best.

Today, I saw the listing for the job in our church newsletter. I can't say there wasn't a silent groan inside me that wanted to say, "Hey, that's my job!". But, as I read I also saw the days and hours had slightly changed as well. I started to think about it - and realized those hours would have worked slightly better for me scheduling wise... but it added a 4th day to the work week.

There is no way I could have, with any good sense of peace, worked 4 days a week. It just isn't something I'd have felt comfortable with. And yet, of course, my flesh gets in the way and I wonder....

I grabbed my Bible and closed my eyes. I said, "God, I know this is silly. I know you didn't want that job for me. I know your plans are best. Please reassure my heart."

I had opened my Bible as I grabbed it but hadn't glanced down as I'd gone straight to prayer. When I opened my eyes my finger was on this verse in Daniel.

Daniel 4:4

I, Nebuchadnezzar, (okay, i like to read 'I, Charity') was at home in my palace, contented and prosperous."

Now it might not say much to you. But in my heart I think I might have done a back flip. Tears started to roll down my face as I started to laugh. It was His gift to me. He didn't have to do it. He didn't have to listen to, or answer, my silly plea of confirmation. He is so patient with my flesh as I ask for (and even sometimes demand) Him to show me His ways.

This Christmas season God's been in the business of restoring relationships and showering the little blessings that add up to be so much. I'm truly grateful for Christ in my life this Christmas.

Grace Spots

The past 3 weeks at church our pastor has talked about GRATITUDE. This last week was about spotting God's grace - even when your world is falling apart. It's harder to see the little things where God thinks especially of us and throws a little "here ya go, I know you'll like THIS!" at us. I know my eyes (heart) can see and linger on the areas where I feel lost, alone, failed, or like I'm drowning. I can fixate on my fears, insecurities, worries all too easy and stop relying on His goodness to get me through the minute, hour and day.

Sometimes we hit a season in life where we wonder where God's goodness has gone. At that point it's time to rely on what we know and not how we feel. We know of God's goodness - and we've seen it documented in the Bible .. and in lives around us. It isn't just for them. It's for us a well. It's for ME. Perhaps it looks different in my life. I'm convinced it does. It's what makes God's love personal for ME and individualized for MY heart.

It's time for me to list a few things I'm grateful for.

~ I love the way the snow and ice is frozen on the branches outside. I'm itching to get out there with my camera!

~The lights and ornaments on my Christmas tree.

~The new tires on my Expedition that got us safely UP and DOWN from the mts where we got our tree.

~How paint keeps my 3 year old happy and contented.

~How my said 3 year old is enamored with J's. His identity is wrapped up in his name (nickname, JJ).

~Coffee and white chocolate pwd to make my own marble mocha.

~warm fuzzy mittens

~my best friend, Jani

Forehead, I'd like you to meet Mr. 2x4

I can't even decide what to title this entry. (I did title it at the END of writing the entry! ha ha)

It has been months since I have sat down and put fingers to the keys to share where my heart is. Honestly, since we're all friends here, I'll just share that it was easier NOT to write for a while. Sure, I still wrote - I just kept it to pen and paper and left it between God and I.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a place in life where at the end of the day "HE and I" are all there is that matters. If we were honest with each other, TRULY honest, we'd recognize that should be a daily occurrence don't you think? It's just so often we find ourselves allowing others to meet our needs and fill our spaces that really should be met and overflowed with from God.

God's faithfulness continues to be such a place of grace in my life. The more I find beauty in his faithfulness the more I recognize the harsh blatancy of my sin and failings. I see it most lived out in my mothering and my marriage. I suppose because these are the people I'm most honest with in my actions and words. Not because I'm such an honest person - but because my true nature shines brighter than I'd like sometimes. And sometimes I don't see what I am, until I see it in my children.

Just yesterday - my oldest son was angry with his younger brother. I watched him walk rather forcefully up to his younger brother - his hands were clenched and his jaw tight. His eyes were narrow and his tone was .... well, it was me. " I am VERY angry with you right now," he says. I don't remember the other words that followed out of his mouth. My eyes started to well up with tears b/c in that instant I saw and heard ME coming out of the mouth of my 8 year old.

Hello 2x4. Nice to meet you. UGH.

I called my oldest to me. And then I did something I don't do enough. I told him that I first needed to apologize. I told him that I recognized something in him as he talked to his brother. It was just how I had talked to him before. I was able to share with him how sorry I was that I had modeled how to talk to others in a bad way and we were able to have a good conversation from then on.

His words/actions shined a light on an area in my life that needs God's healing touch. How thankful I am, that He is a God that knows my flaws and yet finds me beautiful. He's a God that delights in my voice and yearns to pursue me and refine me.

Thanks for being patient with me this year as I was on hiatus for the most part. Sometimes there's a time for silence... but I'm happy to say that I think that season is past!!! YEAH!

Talk to ya soon!!!

Good Girls Don't Have To Dress Badly

It's blog-tour time again!!! This time I got the chance to read this great book by Shari Braendel. Shari is a sought out Christian author and speaker who loves to tie together looking great and reflecting the beauty from the inside out. Remember the days of "color me beautiful"? Think of that times a bunch!!! Inside this book she outlines for women what colors, types of clothing, the best swim wear recommendations for body type, jean cut, make up and hair color tips... even down to what size purse is best for your height, size, and sense of style!!!

It's super easy to read and has room in the back for note taking as you go along. My only negative thing to say about the book was that it said I should NEVER EVER wear black. Are you kidding me?! I love black. Sigh. Hmmmph. :o)

So, check out Shari's website HERE. Who knows. Maybe your church could book her to come speak!?! How fun would that be? A couple hundred gals together talking fashion and God all in one weekend!!!

Should you want to follow her BLOG go HERE. She gives tips and advice throughout the week!

MOST of all... check out the book on AMAZON!! With all the shows out there now on TV and looking to the media and Hollywood for fashion advice, I think it's high time we support a fellow Christian woman and her passion for helping us dress well to fit the way God made us..... and not cut ourselves short when we compare ourselves to the latest celebrity on the magazines at the grocery store.

And if you don't want to take MY word for it.... check out all these other bloggers and get their opinion!!!

AND NOW... if you've hung in with me this long, here comes the good part! There's a contest! And it's so much bigger than JUST a book! Though, who doesn't love a free book?!

So, here it is......

The link below at FashionMeetsFaith isn't working so to go to Shari's website click HERE and then click on the enter sweepstakes bar.

Fashion Makeover Contest
NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Complete and submit the entry form at www.FashionMeetsFaith.com, Shari Braendel FaceBook page, Zondervan FaceBook page, Zondervan Twitter account between August 9, 2010 at 9:00 a.m. (EST) and August 28, 2010 at 5:00 p.m (EST).

First Prize: One Winner will receive . . .
One $500 Visa gift card, one web camera, one-hour fashion consultation with Shari Braendel via Skype, one set of color swatches, and one autographed copy of Good Girls Don’t Have to Dress Bad. Approximate retail value: $600. The fashion consultation will be scheduled at a mutually convenient time for the winner and Ms. Braendel on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday between September 15 and November 15, 2010.

Second Prize: Three Winners will receive . . .
One $100 Visa gift card, one 30-minute fashion consultation with Shari Braendel via telephone, one set of color swatches, and one autographed copy of Good Girls Don’t Have to Dress Bad. Approximate retail value: $450. The fashion consultation will be scheduled at a mutually convenient time for the winner and Ms. Braendel on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday between September 15 and November 15, 2010.

Third Prize: Ten Winners will receive . . .
One autographed copy of Good Girls Don’t Have to Dress Bad. Approximate retail value $150.

For complete details, visit Shari’s website.

As is always the case, I was given Good Girls Don't Have to Dress Badly, from the publisher in return for reviewing Shari's book for my readers.

BLOG TOUR TIME!!

4:04 pm 5-28

GIVEAWAY OVER: I will momentarily be emailing my winner. I'm hoping to do more of these, so try again next time if you were not the lucky winner!!!!

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Tony Evans has written a new book called "Marriage Matters". It caught my attention when I received my regular Blog Tour Spot email. Tony Evans' website is great so check it out HERE.

Lets just get through a few of the nitty gritty details and then I'll share my thoughts on this book.

By participating in the Blog Tour Spot I am able to receive books and give my own review of them at no charge. It's a great chance to have literature (all kinds!!!) delivered to my very own mailbox! I then, read the book that I received and then blog about it. I get to sign up for the books of my choice and it is never forced upon me! It's a great way to learn/read/glean insight not only into the way God thinks and loves me but also in the way that He created us to live life.

The following link is to other blog spot tour bloggers who are also reviewing "Marriage Matters". If you'd like someone else's opinion about the book hop on over there and check them out! I'm sure they'd love the feedback as well!! :)

Ok, lets dive in!!!!!

When I got "Marriage Matters" in the mail I was honestly thrilled to see that it was a short book! Life has been hectic lately and I genuinely wondered if this book would keep my attention. Never, though, have I seen so much powerpacked into such few pages when reading about marriage! The book is only 76 pages long. It's thin, the font is nice and readable and the conversational style made it easy to get lost in. I actually read the book in it's entirety in one afternoon/evening. It was a lot to soak in. And I'm sure I'll be reading it over and over. My pencil was busy underlining thoughts that I wanted to go back and linger on.... as my heart was eager to see what he would say next!

Evans' talked about the covenant of marriage and how in modern times we often lose sight of what a covenant is. Let alone a covenant made with God in the center. God created marriage and created the hierarchy of God, man, and woman. He was able to explain and show the relationship and the chain of "command" so to speak in a way that left me desiring the act of "submission" where often in some books it can seem like the biggest chore on the planet.

"God says that mankind will mirror His image on earth.... what that means is that you can have a happy marriage or a miserable marriage depending on whether your rule is reflecting His image. He sets up the fundamentals of a covenant, and gives you the option of utilizing them. Oftentimes, the well-being of the home is determined by whether the man is reflecting God's image in his role, or the woman is reflecting Him in her role..... Virtually every time there is a marital breakdown, it is because one or both parties are functioning outside of the covenantal fundamental of transcendence...". (Marriage Matters, pg 14-15).

In the hierarchy that God established it starts with Christ... and then moves to the man.... and then down to the woman. One of my favorite quotes from the book is about the idea of men leading in the home.

"The best thing that a man can do in leading his home and cultivating his marriage is to raise the questions, 'What is the mind of Christ on this matter?' and then follow it. Once you have done that, you will have your wife's full attention, and submission. Because now she is no longer arguing with you and your opinions. Now you have brought Christ and His word into the equation. Eventually she will relax when she sees that you are underneath an authority that can be trusted.... A wife needs to feel secure. A man must align himself under the Word of God to offer an environment that causes her to feel that way. When he does that, he will be demonstrating what it means to be a truly spiritual leader over her." (Marriage Matters, pg 40-41)

Wow. Need I truly say more?!

This book is one that I have already mentioned to several friends and I'm sure it will borrowed and poured over. I found it encouraging and offering hope, where sometimes reading marriage material can leave me feeling like a failure!

So, I'm doing my first ever give away!!!! If you send me an email me at my email address (boundtohisheart@gmail.com) I will enter you into a giveaway for this very book. The way it works is that you send me your name and address. I then send your name and address (the winner's only) to Blog Spot Tours and they will have a copy of this book sent straight to you (again, free of charge!). :o)

Because I'm late in the game I'll be closing the giveaway tomorrow (5/28) by 4 pm. I'll need to get my winner's info to the BSTours before it's too late!

Are you squinting at the screen?

Maybe you need a trip to the eye dr.... or could it be that you aren't quite awake yet? Or perhaps it's the thick layer of dust or the half hazard cobwebs that are crossing the website as it's been left to sit for MONTHS!

I welcome you to grab a paper towel and wipe the grime off... or if you dare blow really hard and watch the particles fly off and the spiders scurry to a new corner!!!

Ok... a friend and I have taken on a new book to read. The book is called Sacred Marriage and it's written by Gary Thomas. I just picked up the book this weekend and have read the first chapter. I'm already feeling challenged. I can tell it's going to be different than all the other marriage books - even the best ones I've read - which give you step by step how to's at how to achieve that ever allusive "perfect" marriage. The reason I'm challenged is because I rather like the step 1-6 process with guaranteed results. I like order. I like sequential systems. Perhaps it's why sometimes reading books like that left me feeling more empty, more hopeless, feeling more and more inadequate to change ME or "change my husband". After all, isn't that what we're usually after? Surely the Lord has more work to do in his heart and life than in mine.... cough cough.... sigh. If only, right? :)

This will NOT be that kind of book. It's going to be all about ME and God and working on ME.

"Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simply shatters. Mature love, the kind demanded of a good marriage must stretch, as the sinful human condition is such that all of us bear conflicting emotions.... her hatred is as real as her love is real... the reality of the human heart, the inevitability of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults, for the rest of their lives...." (Sacred Marriage, pg 16-17).

The chapter goes on to talk about how we often find ourselves looking to our spouse with too many expectations. With too many ideas of how the other should and will meet our needs. And the entire point of the book is to challenge us with the question: What if God created marriage, not for our happiness, but as a means of making us more holy. What if we saw and took the opportunity in marriage as our spouse fails us (as he/she WILL do) to draw us closer to the heart of Christ and in turn our lives would reflect his likeness. Isn't that our true purpose here on this earth? Gary Thomas says, "I adopted the attitude that marriage is one of many life situations that help me to draw my sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment FROM God." (Sacred Marriage, pg. 24).

The chapter closes with the following thought. "The ultimate purpose of this book is not to make you love your spouse more - although I think that will happen along the way. It's to equip you to love your God more and to help you reflect the character of his Son more precisely."

Care to journey along? I will do my best to be candid as I write my thoughts and allow God to prune my heart... to clip away the branches that are intertwined and choking out new growth.