Thursday, February 26, 2009

That's MY King

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Sun Brings Out the Best In ME

So yesterday was this breath of fresh air! The sun was up and doing his job... sending us all that vitamin D and making the world seem bright and happy. My bedroom is on the north/westish side of the house so the sun rise never directly streams through my windows...something I love about mornings :) and something that keeps my room oh so cool in the summer .. love it.

So, the sunshine makes me happy. I was productive and got lots of housey type work done yesterday and yet felt relaxed and at peace. I decided that after the baby's nap (i'm calling him a baby UNTIL he's 2 yo! I just have to, he's my last one!) we'd take a walk to the nearby park. I texted with my hubby and he said he and Noah would would meet us there after school. What a perfect afternoon. I tell you, I even wore capri's and flip-flops! The flip flops were the only regret! In the shade at the park they started to freeeeze!

I just Love the sunshine - though I can't say i LOVE it HOT.. A nice 75 is just perfect, with a light breeze, nothing too wild, just here and there a light breeze. Perfect. T-shirt weather, pony tails, and sunglasses. A good book, a glass of ice tea (sun-tea all the way baby!) and kids laughter as they run crazy in the backyard! awww....

I'm so nostalgic for such weather as it's bee a long enough winter for me. I have been thankful at the absense of snow - we really haven't had that much over long period's of time...OH thank you Jesus! But the cold foggy days did seem to drag on, day after day, as if threatening to never go away.

I think so often we find ourselves in a spiritual fog as well. Things get cloudy. We don't look to the "SON" and things seem fuzzy, cold, dark, lonely, uncomfortable, and it's easy for us to hole up and "wait for spring". As if one day our relationship with God will morph into this thing of beauty and growth. Ever find yourself in that place? I have. We know life's better with the SON, we know things make sense, things seem easier to handle, life seems to have purpose, and our minds seem clearer... and yet our human inclination can so often be doom and gloom... and our eyes and expectations become at war with our heart and we lose the battle. We lose the nerve or the drive to just STAY IN TH SONLIGHT.

Life gets busy - life changes. Refer back to all the "season" posts I had. God knows and expects our life to go through it's transitions. The only thing he asks and hopes and longs for is that we keep Him with us at all times. That we turn to him, ask him to open our eyes, to "turn the light" on for us, and to be our forever, faithful, fearless friend and Father.

The sun brings out the best in my mood.
And the SON brings out the best in my heart.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Bedtime reading

Before I settle in for a night's sleep (I was going to say "long" nights sleep... but let's face it, it's NEVER long!) I usually grab a book and read a chapter or two. Right now I'm reading "Ordinary MOM Extraordinary GOD" by Mary DeMuth.

It's full of short, easy to read chapters... yet packed with powerful words that get your heart thinking at the end of the day. The other night I read her chapter titled "The Secret of Secrets". Mary, writes about how secrets are often intimate details, saved for the closest few in your life. Often secrets are shared between no more than 2 people. They are private, intimate conversations that include vulnerability and honesty.

Mary went on to talk about 4 aspects of secrets. I'll briefly summarize them b/c they really made me go .. "Hmmm".

1. God confides in those who fear him.
Not the kind of fear that makes us quake in our boots, immobilized by terror. But the kind of the fear that causes us to stop, revere, be in awe of, and respect! I picked a key phrase from her passage and it was this; "It's important to choose intimacy with Him over busyness." Which means, if it means leaving dishes overnight, or NOT working out this afternoon, or saying "no" to what would only be an obligation and not a joy to do.... DO it. God delights in our presence and he cares most about the condition of our hearts. And if our hearts are not beating as one with His... there's WAY too much chance for us to wander.

2. God's secrets are His delight.
Do you know what delights His heart? Really know? Or just "think" you know from what you've learned about God all these years?! Do you really know His heart. I know I'm still getting to know His heart. I want to feel directly how his heart feels. I want to embrace the joy, feel the sorrow ... truly have my "eyes" opened and discover his delights. To do this, I can't simply "check -in" ever so briefly and then "check out" and "check OFF" my "God time" for the day. God isn't something to be crossed off my list, "yup, got time with the Big Man in, now i'm good til tomorrow...". No way. That is false intimacy.

3. God see's in secret.
God sees the condition of our heart. Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." I have this posted in my kitchen. I long to keep my heart pure and in a way that pleases HIM. Daily I fail and then start over. I easily judge or condemn in my heart.. my actions not necessarily following, but my heart is not always in a place that shows respect for someone, which in turn shows a lack of respect for God. If I'm holding on to a grudge or having feelings that dishonor HIM, He can't come to me in an intimate manner and share His delight or His joy. If my heart is full of filth - there's no room for Him. Daily, sometimes moment to moment, I have to ask Him to clean and purge from my heart the things that don't belong. And then HE has room to come in, fill me up and just "BE"!

4. God rewards secret things.
OH, how he finds pleasure in the secret things that honor Him. How He loves a heart that doesn't flaunt or do it's "goodness" for applause. He see's all things and when a heart,set on LOVING him and Loving people, silently acts in amazing ways... His heart nearly explodes. I'm sure of it. The sacrificial acts of motherhood bring JOY to His heart. The world rarely see's... even some close to us don't often "get it" or understand... and yet God see's every boo-boo kissed, every meal cooked, ever diaper changed, every hug and smooch, and story read. He see's the mother that puts her needs to the back burner to provide, to love, to GIVE to her family and HE SEE'S it...

After I read this chapter the other night, I wrote down some questions for myself.

1. Does God save secret joys to whisper to me? When was the last time I heard one?

2. Do I give him TIME to reveal His heart?

3. Do I have the integrity of a woman bent on loving and obeying the Lord?

AND my challenge to myself: BE still and listen. LISTEN. Write down His secret JOY when he reveals it to me.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Multi-tasking mumblings

i've lost 40 sticks of butter.

you heard me.

40 sticks of butter... or otherwise known as 10 pounds.

i've been noticing and acknowledging in my personal life the times that I would turn to food for entertainment, comfort, companionship, BOREDOM, etc.

HABIT.. that's another one. I caught myself countless times this last month with the urge to grab, nibble, lick, sneak, or stuff my face with food. Sometimes, the moment that the temptation was there would take me by surprise - other times I'd see it up on the horizon and be anticipating it as it drew near... all the while pep talking myself and preparing myself to make the right choice.

I found it harder this last month to make the time for pure "communion" with Christ. I found my heart and mind focused on my desire to be successful in my quest for losing weight and becoming physically healthy. Should I have to exam myself.. i'd need to say my heart health probably slid a little this month.

Why does it have to be so difficult? Fleshly thoughts and attitudes come natural and have that way of "justifying" themselves... all the while God is gently calling me to take the high road.. to look to Him, to find satisfaction, completion, and peace in HIM in all circumstances.

and yet...the beauty of the moments of tempation was when HE gave me the strength to walk away from the food that would momentarily satisfy me. And everytime I stayed strong, He rewarded me on the scales. He rewarded my effort to look to HIM, to recognize the times when I'd have previously unconsciously looked away from His will and sought out after my own.

I guess in retrospect, I felt like the last month was a bit lonely in my dialogue with my Father, and yet, I think he was just walking with me, lending His hand for the moments when my foot was close to faltering.

What an amazing daddy.. that he'd be faithful. That he'd be forever patient and that he'd find joy in HELPING me through the choices I have to make everyday.

And to some, they may seem insignificant in magnitude. But when HE gives me strength to turn away from food, I get excited... b/c to me it shows His power at work. It shows HIS strength in my weakness.